It’s not really summer, but we’re all tricking ourselves into thinking it is. That’s fine with me I guess, I support any holiday where society collectively deceives itself. Earth Day is another example. For one day a year, we all act like we care about the environment and swear we’re going to recycle more and drive less. Companies get in on it by turning their logos green. Then we as a society go back to saying “Screw you, grandchildren!” a day later. If you were busy this week getting outraged about the title of an upcoming movie for the second time in a month, odds are you missed it.
Beatle has a bug
This week, Sir Paul McCartney fell ill while on tour, causing him to cancel several show dates. Spokespeople said McCartney, 71, will be back out touring again soon. According to reports, he is suffering from a viral infection. Paul, you’re too old to be partying with the kids, this is what happens when you hang out with Miley Cyrus.
Worst spring break ever
Kevin Spacey traveled to Mexico this week to meet with President Pena Nieto. The two ran into each other at a resort in Cancun during Tianguis Turistico, an international tourism conference. It was alleged that the Spacey was paid by the Mexican government to make the appearance, which caused outrage among many Mexicans. However, the most outraged was Nieto himself, when he later learned that Spacey is not the president of the U.S.
A big weekend for toilets
Beef was recalled in 10 different states earlier this week. It was reported that six different retail chains sold tainted beer. Then later, the Centers for Disease Control linked at least seven E. coli infections to sprouts, hummus, walnuts and several kinds of dips, which also prompted a recall. So stock up on toilet paper, America, you’re about to lose some weight over the long weekend!
Oh, hello there. I’m just here sitting back in my smoking jacket and enjoying a nice whiskey on the rocks (my third). You know, I’ve been thinking a lot about 2012. It really sucked, didn’t it? Stop and think about it for a minute, did anything good happen this year to anyone but Psy? Not really. However, it certainly was a wild, memorable ride. Perhaps it was the looming threat of the end of the world. It could be the heavy buzz I’ve got going, but I feel like looking back on the biggest stories of this year. Grab a drink and join me, won’t you?
Marianne Gingrich made her ex-husband, Newt, look even worse by dropping the bombshell that he wanted to have an open marriage. Apparently this is worse than asking your wife for a divorce when she’s recovering from cancer treatments in the hospital. Mitt Romney didn’t see what the big deal is–you can have more than one wife, right?
Also, they battle Hitler
In a story that can only end well, scientists in New York made “supersoldier” ants. I’m not really sure why this was so important to do, but now there are ants with really large heads. Their heads are so large that they are able to block the entrances to their nest when it comes under attack. Also, they do this really cool shield-throwing trick.
Equal time rule A year away from inauguration day, and President Barack Obama was out on the campaign trail. He was raising funds, and he’d do just about anything for your money. At The Apollo, he noted that Rev. Al Green was in the audience, and did his own version of “Let’s Stay Together,” well a few bars of it, anyway. And he’s got the chops for it, too. The American public got to hear his pipes more along the campaign trail when he sang “Red Solo Cup” in Missouri. Continue reading You Missed It: End of 2012 edition
I never thought it would end like this. Then again, I’m sure that’s what everyone ever has said when their end finally comes. No one imagines how the end will come. Most of us try to ignore that there will be an end at all, really. Those who do, probably just give their best guess given the type of life they lead and various risks they take. So here we are, in the midst of our last week on Earth, and it’s nothing like I thought it would be.
First off, either the media is just suppressing reports of End of Days orgies around the world, or they simply aren’t happening. My local liquor store has yet to be looted, and there don’t seem to be any fires spreading throughout the city. This is the end of the world, and it feels shockingly like every other day. At least I can say I’ll never see 30.
You ever read an article–be it in magazine or on news site–and notice one nugget of information that proves the author wrote the article about the wrong subject?
Case in point:“While My Guitar Gently Beeps” (New York Times Magazine) was about how Harmonix and the remaining Beatles and widows developed not only an authentically-mastered Beatles track pack for Rock Band, but also a system for future bands to simultaneously release new albums on CD and Rock Band’s online store.
Interesting, right? Especially since the whole article is peppered with quotes from Paul, Yoko and the guy who invented Guitar Hero?
“The Rock Band Network is so potentially consequential that Harmonix went to great lengths to keep its development secret, including giving it the unofficial in-house code name Rock Band: Nickelback, on the theory that the name of the quintessentially generic modern rock group would be enough to deflect all curiosity” [emphasis ours].
So the real story here isn’t the inevitable release of a Beatles’ Rock Band Track Pack, but that Nickelback sucks so bad that their very name inspires people to tune out, change the station or improve their immediate lot in life by doing something that isn’t Nickelback-related.
We’re not saying that Chad Kroeger should hang himself about this news. We’re saying that people might not notice if he did.
Paul McCartney, I have a bone to pick with you, and it’s not even about the fact that you’re looking saggier than usual these days. You too, Yoko Ono. Sure, you got the raw end of the deal and all the blame for splitting up The Beatles, but what you’ve done since then is what I’m here about. Ringo Starr, you’re OK with me. For the most part, you’ve kept to yourself and gone on to do other things like “The No-no Song” and you even recently announced you’re not going to sign autographs anymore.