Science continues to wow us with obvious news

We would’ve thought that fraternizing with the enemy in the biblical sense would obviously be a bad decision to make, but here comes science (heh) with another reason for why bestiality probably shouldn’t occur: you’ll get penis tumors.

Specifically, according to urologist and lead author Stenio de Cassio Zequi, you’ll be twice as likely to contract penile cancer.

“We think that the intense and long-term SWA [sex with animals] practice could produce micro-traumas in the human penile tissue,” Zequi said.

We would think that the micro-trauma is sex with animals. Also, when a report has to abbreviate “sex with animals,” nothing good can come from it.

No word’s come from Kevin Smith’s film camp on whether this study is true or not.