Tag: penis

You should’ve seen the preferred version

Please note: this headline might be considered Not Safe For Work.

Also note: we’re not really sure we’d like to know if there’s a wanted version to be found.

Also note 2-Electric Boogaloo: Since this took place in Australia, isn’t it called a didgeridoo instead?

We can only guess his name is Richard

Warning: the story’s link may be Not Safe For Work. Click at your own risk.

What’s oblong, in different colors, found in car parks, and not really that impressive?

Answer: the latest “crime spree” in East Sussex. Need a hint on what the story’s about?

He added: ‘However, from what we’ve seen, if this is a self-portrait, the artist won’t be in a hurry to be identified.’

Maybe the air in East Sussex is just cold like the water?

This won’t be abused at all

Besides testing out a version of football that doesn’t allow the use of hands, the 2010 World Cup is also an experiment for a new anti-rape condom.

Rape-aXe is the brainchild of South African Dr. Sonnet Ehlers. It is a latex condom worn inside the vagina that is lined with “teeth-like hooks” that latch onto a rapist’s penis. Any attempts to remove the device by hand will cause it to constrict tighter, but will not break the skin.

Rape may never be funny, but the prank potential of anti-rape devices is hilarious. Like, say you find somebody’s Fleshlight or Real Doll.

Yowch

I mean, really … yowch (link is potentially Not Safe For Work).

Breaking up is hard to do, and teenagers are super emotional (hilariously making them lamer than they can even believe), but nonetheless … yeesh. There are somethings a lad can do to get over being dumped, but to quote a line from Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, “he chose poorly.”

Glass half full side: some old and unmarried woman is going to get her wish the next time she tosses a penny down the well.

Yeah, like you have the same problem

Just a warning: this story and the story’s link may be Not Safe For Work.

Jonah Falcon is a man that has been blessed with massive ability.

However, as everyone that’s seen a film that totally embodies the spirit of capitalism a porn film, ability does not equal talent. Which is where Jonah’s problem lays. In his pants.

You see, Jonah has male genitalia that is the largest record on video. Unfortunately, he cannot seem to get a job. As an actor, his profession of choice, mind you. Also unfortunate is that he appears to have convictions, as he refuses to go into the skin trade, because:

“If I did porn nobody would take me seriously. Nobody.”

After all, having a documentary made about your large tallywhacker and then a follow-up article a decade later means that everyone thinks you’re serious business.

Remember kids, sex may sell, but true talent sells even better.

That oughta show ’em

If you’re a guy, you probably don’t want to read this.

Love can make you do some crazy things, it can make you lose track of logic, and in some cases, it can also make you a little impulsive.

A 25-year-old man in Egypt tried for two years to convince his parents to let him marry a girl from a lower-class family. For him, love did not conquer his parents, so he did something that may seem a little rash. To get back at his parents, he heated up a knife and cut off his own penis. Have fun trying to concentrate this morning after hearing that one.

USA! USA! USA!

Here at SG, we typically write the jokes. It’s our job, and we’re positive that the rest of the Internet sucks at it. (Screw you, ComedyCentral.com.)

Today, we’re letting this article speak for itself:

“All I knew was that circumcision is something the U.S. does and Europe doesn’t and is therefore awesome. Our penises are clean and sleek and new like Frank Gehry skyscrapers, while theirs are crumbling, ancient edifices inhabited by fat old men in hats.”

MasterChugs Theater: ‘Quis custodiet ipsos custodes.’

The weekend before last, an event took place that for nearly 20 years, no one thought would ever actually happen-Watchmen, the movie, came out in theaters. Before the movie even begin pre-pre-production, the fandom was split down the middle on whether Alan Moore and Dave Gibbon’s landmark comic book story would be utter crap or the second golden age of comic-book movies. When the first initial script came flocking about the internet depicting time paradoxes, an assassination plot and Rorschach taking it to your face, much lamenting was done.

Now, a radically different script (at least, in comparison to the original first script) has been given life, finally giving the unwashed masses (your typical fan at San Diego Comicon) a chance to watch a live action version of the film. For some, the movie is once again down the line in terms of opinion, but not quite to the degree of the previous feelings. This, for the most part, is understandably so. Even SG’s own Bryan McBournie gave his own review of the film recently, unhappy with how it went.

There is one thing you need to understand, though: Bryan McBournie is horribly, horribly wrong.

No, really. Hit the jump to find out. Continue reading MasterChugs Theater: ‘Quis custodiet ipsos custodes.’

Take it from Snee: Embrace the penis

So I’m ditty-boppin’ around Fark, when I came across this headline: “Jason Segel on working with Paul Rudd: ‘I slowly open my eyes, and Paul is standing there with his d___ out.'” (Here’s the actual story. Don’t pretend you’re not curious.)

I wasn’t too surprised to read bizarre peniphobic comments. After all, I did see The Watchmen this weekend.

I liked The Watchmen. Fortunately for Zack Snyder, I had to watch it twice because the first time was too distracting. A number of people in the audience could not shut up about Doctor Manhattan’s blue dork. One actually started booing because the character would not stop having a penis. These same people applauded when Silk Spectre II’s tits were on-screen.

There is a disturbing dichotomy in our society folks — a sexist one, if you ask me — and it’s high time we whipped this issue out. There is nothing wrong with the penis. Continue reading Take it from Snee: Embrace the penis