Deer hate us, which is why they throw themselves in front of our cars on dark nights. But it turns out they just hate us moving in general.
A herd of deer charged at a college cross country race in in Pennsylvania last weekend. Justin DeLuzio was solidly in the middle of the pack during the footrace, when a dozen or so deer crossed the group’s path. One deer ran into DeLuzio, knocking him head over heels. Bruised, but not broken, he got up and kept running.
It’s important to remember that, while Donald Trump locked up the Republican nomination after categorically suspecting Mexicans of rape and drug trafficking and Muslims of terrorism, he still hasn’t gotten the job of president. He can still blow the second half of the interview by failing to convince enough Americans that he didn’t somehow mean all of that in a racist or bigoted way.
Even more importantly: whether he wins the election or not, Trump will be OK. Even if most of the country thinks he’s a racist, he has enough money — possibly even untaxed money — to say and do racist things. He will be able to retire to any segregated (emphasis on “gated”) community once this is all said and done, safe from the half of the country he’s alternately insulting and paying lip-service to right now.
Some 40 years ago, people waited for hours in line to fill up their gas tanks during the Iranian oil embargo. And now our generation may be facing a similar catastrophe — but with candy.
A candy factory in Pennsylvania that makes, among other things, Peeps, is facing production problems because its workers have gone on strike. Workers are demanding a better contract, and aren’t making Peeps, the marshmallow birds the internet loves for some reason. If there’s one thing this blog is not, it’s alarmist, which is why we’re saying you need to run out and buy as many Peeps as you can before the economy comes crashing down around us.
Or, boycott Peeps, and support the peeps who make Peeps.
There is a secret war being waged every day. We don’t hear about it much because it’s fought in the shadows of night, and the government doesn’t want us to know about it. One Pennsylvania man isn’t about to let War on Aliens get swept under the rug.
Arthur Brown, 78, put up bright spotlights all over the exterior of his house to keep aliens away. His neighbors have complained, and the town has fined him, most likely because they are become aliens, too. One of his neighbors is upset because it’s been going on for more than a decade, and she can’t sell her house because of it. Now, the town is asking Brown to limit the amount of time the spotlights run.
But what they don’t understand is that those lights are working. Zero aliens have shown up since Brown put the lights up. He should be counted a hero.
We’ve all at one time been tempted to pay a fine entirely in pennies, perhaps pouring them all out in front of whichever unlucky government employee’s kiosk you walk up to.
But there’s another way to describe paying your fine with pennies: paying your fine. Are not pennies legal tender? Even if they are not silver or green, do they not turn silverish or green given enough time in a fountain or especially sweaty pocket?
And yet, one Pennsylvania man, Justin Greene, was denied the right — nay, privilege — actually, legal requirement to pay his $25 parking ticket fine in legal, U.S. Treasury Department-issued currency: one cent pieces.
Town officials turned away perfectly legal tender — even if it is ignored by all but the dumbest children when found on the ground — based on a repealed federal law that made pennies and nickels not legal tender for transactions over 25 cents. After learning their error, they will install coin counting machines for future completely legal payments of actual money.
Mr. Greene may have been denied the satisfaction of emptying a sock on government property, but his example means others will have that chance now. And that makes him fully minted hero in this crazy, bureaucratic, paperless world.
People that eat at Burger King aren’t great, but hey, they’ve gotta eat somewhere. And no, the food at Burger King is not even remotely good food, but if you have to eat it, it’ll do.
So screw you pigs for forcing people to not eat at a Pennsylvania Burger King. Biting is bad! There are much better, more passive-aggressive ways to prevent people from eating at Burger King, like posting pictures of chicken nuggets in their mash form.
For a bunch of supposed professionals telling us that it’s not real, scientists sure are obsessed with the zombie apocalypse. This time, they’re telling us where in the country we should or shouldn’t go.
According to researchers as Cornell, when the zombie outbreak happens, your best bet is to go someplace where no one really lives. Specifically, Montana and Nevada. Apparently those places could go for months, while the rest of the U.S. is overtaken by the undead hordes.
The worst place to be is northeastern Pennsylvania, according to the study.
Many a person, as a child, read Charlie and the Chocolate Factory or saw Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. How awesome would it have been to live there?! There’s nothing but all the edible chocolate that you can dream of! It would be the best thing ever!
Except the chocolate factory has been abandoned. For years. And, while a developer that now owns the chocolate factories has proposed to possibly build condos on highers floors of the factories (which can be done, as the lower floors were designed to hold tons of cocoa beans), there’s not a cocoa, nor a bean left. Alas.