Tag: people

Take it from Snee: Welcome to My Enemies List, Channing Tatum

The Declaration of Independence guarantees every American three basic things: life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. I’ve worked hard to be born a U.S. citizen, and dammit, I don’t expect any more or less than those very things.

For instance, when my office designated my favorite parking space a “handicapped” zone by “law,” I recognized it for what it really was: an attempt to steal my liberty (to park in that spot) and my life (the precious minutes that I can never have back after walking 10 extra feet to the door). Fortunately, I was able to redress this injustice by printing up a fake doctor’s note.

But, there are certain assaults on my god-given American rights that I can’t correct, like when People magazine, clearly in error, passed me over yet again for their “Sexiest Man Alive” cover. People, we’ll talk next year. Channing Tatum: not so fast there, Captain Abs. You’ve just made My Enemies List.  Continue reading Take it from Snee: Welcome to My Enemies List, Channing Tatum

Shocker

Clay Aiken, showing the true measure of a man (sorry, I couldn’t resist), opened up to People Magazine by revealing that he is in fact, gay. People, long known for giving in the closet stars their way out of living in secrecy (see:  Degeneres, Ellen and Bass, Lance) decided to shoot the cover while having AIken hold his newborn son. No word yet as to whether this will help boost sales of his latest effort “A Thousand Different Ways” but we’ll be the first to let you know if there are any future hook-ups with Ruben Studdard in the near future.

Schadenfreude: International blend

Good morning! And what a morning it is: the dawning of yet another wonderful day!

Just think of the day you have ahead of you: showering, sitting in traffic, going to work, eating a lousy lunch with people you hate, sitting in more traffic, cooking dinner, cleaning the kitchen — all while trying not to beat your children! Goodness, but these are blessed times, aren’t they?

No, they aren’t. When your only relaxation is going to a gym to work out, you really hate the people that make it look so easy. People like, oh, Martha Stewart …

Well, guess who’s persona non gratis in the United Kingdom? Yep, Martha’s life was easy when she was given insider trading tips, but now she’s not allowed to visit investors and business partners in Merry Olde England.

And that, we think, is a good thing.

Mm, Schadenfreude: make it every morning’s shameful joy.