You Missed It: Pop culture edition

It’s not whitewashing, it’s airbrushing.

I really don’t care about the pregnant giraffe. I don’t understand how it even went viral in the first place. Everyone loves baby animals, but not that many people actually want to see said baby animals being born live via webcam. In terms of cultural things I just don’t see the appeal of, this is up there with the Dave Matthews Band, reality television and basketball. If you were busy breaking it off with Aaron Rodgers this week, odds are you missed it.

White girl solves racism
This week, Pepsi released an ad that featured noted young rich person Kendall Jenner joining a crowd of protesters holding signs reading “Join the Conversation!” and giving a police officer a can of Pepsi. The ad was criticized for trivializing the Black Lives Matter movement to sell sugar water. Executives were shocked that a crowd of diverse stereotypes, music, and a message so general it’s meaningless didn’t work. After all, it worked for Coke 46 years ago.

Rickles dies 50 years later than average for comics
Comedy legend Don Rickles died on Thursday at the age of 90. He is being mourned by the standup comedy community, and remembered as a comedian perhaps the last of his kind. But the real question is, who thought it was a good idea to book him at that Syrian air base?

More scripted fun with Jimmy Fallon
This week, Universal Orlando held the grand opening for a ride based on Jimmy Fallon and The Tonight Show. The ride is described as a jaunt through New York City, but no matter how fast he goes, Fallon just can’t seem to catch Stephen Colbert.

*Now* your childhood is under attack

More like Crystal Pepsi Cola-ra! (No, seriously, even David Novak, the inventor of Crystal Pepsi, said that it wasn't very good.)
More like Crystal Pepsi Cola-ra! (No, seriously — even David Novak, the inventor of Crystal Pepsi, said that it wasn’t very good.)

We may be The Guys, but, even as guys, we’ll give the new Ghostbusters movie the fair shake it got from Bill Murray and Dan Aykroyd … once our check clears in an amount commensurate to our worth compared to Murray and Aykroyd. (So, about a case of Ecto-Coolers.) Until we see the movie, we’ll hold off accusing Kristen Wiig of killing our childhood.

Or, we can refocus that ire at a company that’s actually trying to weaponize nostalgia: Pepsi. Not only does Pepsi plan to re-release everyone’s I Love the ’90s punchline, Crystal Pepsi, but they’re also launching a terrible Oregon Trail clone¬†around it:

The goal of the video game, dubbed “The Crystal Pepsi Trail,” is to “collect as many 90s items along the trail as you can with your dawgs,” according to a developmental version of the game given to Ad Age.

Instead of hunting buffalo and doing your best to avoid dysentery, players of the remade game will seek out items of pop culture from yesteryear including pagers, bucket hats and Tamagotchi.

Yes, the opening shots on your childhood have been fired. Right now. It’s what’s happening right now. Right now. Riiiiiiight now. What are you waiting for?

The McBournie Minute: The most annoying pre-Super Bowl ads

One of the worst things about our civilization is advertising. It’s been around pretty much as long as humanity has. It’s supposed to be eye-catching first and informative second, but today, it’s really just more annoying than anything. Perhaps because we see them over and over again.

I’m known for yelling at my TV, sober or not, because I don’t like being lied to and most commercials are terrible liars. The thing is, I don’t even realize I’m doing it sometimes. Critiquing commercials is apparently a weird hobby of mine, and since I’ve been watching a lot of football, I’ve seen a lot of the same crap commercials. They aren’t even Super Bowl commercials.

So here are the commercials that are annoying the crap out of me right now. Continue reading The McBournie Minute: The most annoying pre-Super Bowl ads

If You Give a Mouse a Dew

It might be time for Pepsi Co. Inc. to review their legal team.

When Ronald Ball of Illinois sued over allegedly finding a dead mouse in his can of Mountain Dew, the soft drink company responded with a resounding, “Nuh-uh,” adding that steeping a mouse in Mountain Dew would have corroded it into a “jelly-like” substance.

So, quit whining, and embrace the extreme! Why, there could be all kinds of acid-melted animals in the Code Red right there in your hand, dude.

Aggravated assault with zero calories

Sometimes in life, we just don’t like coming to grips with what’s happened, especially if we’ve initiated the events. As such, some of us insist on shirking our responsibility. These excuses can come in the form of “the bitch set me up,” to “it wasn’t me,” or “the glove doesn’t fit,” to even “it’s not my fault.” Very rarely, though, do we get excuses in the form of cold, sugary, fountain accessed liquids.

A man in Pennsylvania is claiming that the reason he allegedly assaulted his senior citizen mother is because the Pepsi machine at the local CostCo made him do it.

Which is sound logic. And doesn’t make you a “soda jerk” at all.

The father told police that his son had said “that the Pepsi machine at Costco made him hurt his mother,” and that “he was mad at his mother because she smokes drugs.”

The drugs in question-they wouldn’t happen to be Coke, would they?

You’ve got the frog one, baby

The animals are now resorting to suicide missions to try and kill us. Take for example one Florida man who thought he was going to be enjoying a refreshing Pepsi, only to get Pepsi’s limited release “Dismembered Frog Series.”

The animals are trying to choke us, and are willing to die themselves in the process. God only knows what they’ve done to our Coca-Cola factories.

No matter who loses …

… we barbecuers of the world still win.

I call dibs on the body of the loser!

Boxing is serious business. Worldwide, it’s highly marketable-just ask Coca-cola and Pepsi. The two soda giants have set up camp and attempted to sink their claws into the newest hot boxer, Worapoj Phetkum. Yes Alex, they want Thai hot. Both companies have begun heavy negotiations and camping with the man.

Phetkum has yet to have a boxing match yet, mind you.

But all that’s set to change-he’s in the Olympics! Yes, Phetkum takes on Italy this Friday. It’s not just a winner-take-all match; the winner gets an Olympic medal. The loser gets to go home empty-handed.

Oh, and by the way, I’m talking about Pepsi and Coca-cola.