Right level of outrage, wrong target

Nerds managed to hate the new Ghostbusters movie and love Suicide Squad without seeing either. We're starting to think the stereotype about nerds being smart is wrong.
Nerds managed to hate the new Ghostbusters movie and love Suicide Squad without seeing either. We’re starting to think the stereotype about nerds being smart is wrong.

Water is wet, grass is green and movies about DC Comics characters (mostly, since 1989’s Batman) suck. Ever since DC/Warner Bros. hitched its wagon to Zack Snyder, with his own record of producing cool screen savers with dumb stories, its movies have been one gritty, forgettable misfire (at best) after another. And now that critics mostly agree that Suicide Squad is yet another less-edgy-than-it-thinks adaptation of a DC comic, fans of said comics have had it. They’ve organized and written a petition.

A petition against Rotten Tomatoes.

Not DC or WB for repeatedly letting them down before and since The Dark Knight. Not even specific critics who repeatedly hate terrible movies in a genre that everybody loves right now, as wrong-sighted as that would be. No, they’re taking action (well, as much action as signing an online petition can be considered “action”) against the site that collects those reviews and averages their scores.

In other news, fans of the as-of-yet unseen Suicide Squad are also suing their bathroom scales for not showing them the results they wanted to see.

The people call for Caramel the turkey’s head

Citizens are upset by the actions of President Barack Obama, and they are making their grievances known. In a petition, the people are making their stance clear: Caramel the turkey must die.

This fall, the White House set up an online vote for either Popcorn or Caramel this year’s official Thanksgiving turkey. Popcorn won the vote, but both turkeys were given a pardon by Obama. The Internet believed that the winner of the contest would be saved, and the loser would end up on a plate. Since that didn’t happen, nearly 100,000 people have signed a petition demanding that Caramel be executed.

Justice must be served. Preferably with a side of mashed potatoes and candied yams.

Kraft Mac and Cheese gives Internet moms the blues

Mm, real cheesy goodness that you can cook on either a stove-top range or in a spoon for intravenous consumption.
Mm, real cheesy goodness that you can cook either on a stove-top range or in a spoon for intravenous consumption.

Two very courageous mommy bloggers are taking on Big Macaroni. (We’d abbreviate that to “Big Mac,” but The Guys blew our legal services budget on whole grain alcohol.)

The authors, one of which writes a blog called “100 Days of Real Food,” posted a petition on Change.org to make Kraft Macaroni and Cheese — a product containing powdered cheese and 35 percent of your daily sodium — more “real” by taking out food dyes Yellow #5 and #6.

Meanwhile, at the grocery store: rows of actual cheese and pasta remain unsold.

A plan that can only secede

The whitehouse.gov petition site, “We the People” has received 22 petitions from citizens, each asking for their state’s permission to “peacefully … withdraw from the United States of America and create its own new government.” The site’s rules state that petitions receiving 25,000 signatures will be addressed by President Obama’s administration.

Louisiana resident “Michael E.” was the first to submit a petition the day after the 2012 election. The petition has received 16,000 signatures since. Meanwhile, Texas already has 26,000 signatures. In case you’re wondering, why, yes, most of the nuts submitting these polite requests to the “dictator-in-chief” are from former Confederate states.

So far, no governor or representative of a state government from these 22 states has endorsed the petitions, mostly because they’re busy lobbying for federal money for bridges, police departments and defense contracts.

The battle for Mexico’s ‘heritage’

Like The Guys, many Mexicans were muy triste y furioso at the news of their country’s oldest cantina shutting its doors. For those of you who didn’t know, after 150 years in service, El Nivel was basically kicked out by National Autonomous University of Mexico, who wanted the land.

Angry Mexicans and all-around drunk guys, or hombres borrachos, gathered on Tuesday to protest the closure. The protesters plan to petition the university and then the government to save the cantina because it is a “cultural and drinking heritage site.”

Ah yes, drinking heritage. Being the great-grandson of Irish immigrants, I remember when my father sat me down as a child and handed me my first glass of whisky. He told me, “Son, this is your heritage. When you drink this, you must always ramble on about the evil English and pick a fight with the nearest person or coat rack.”

(Note: This story is also being covered on our Spanish-language sister blog HombresSeriamentes.com)