Philly home of brotherly love, horsey food

You might’ve heard of the news regarding horse meat being found in beef. Grocery stores, delicatessens, fast food joints and restaurants all over the nation have become indignant in their desire for all-beef beef. The furor has even been global, with celebrities and restaurants all around the world (though not as much in France) wanting their Grade-A to be sans-Mr. Ed.

Not so much at Monsu. The fine dining restaurant located in Philadelphia has decided to put the Lone Ranger’s trusty friend (no, not Tonto) onto the menu. Chefs there tasted it on a trip to Italy and thought it’d be a fine addition to what’s already served, and when a ban on slaughtering the equine beasts for human consumption was lifted in the States two years ago, they were the first out of the gate!

How do the Guys feel about it? Eh. We’re not exactly against. In this war, any kind of tactic that assists our troops while decimating their troops can’t be all bad, right?

Brotherly love means hitting each other

Two weddings clashed in the bar of the Sheraton Society Hill in Philadelphia. Guests caught the very early Sunday morning brawl on camera, which left 1 dead and 3 arrested.

One of those witnesses, 15-year-old Max Schultz posted video of a police officer holding back one of the brides as a man in a tuxedo is thrown to the floor. “Did they just deck the bride?” he asked.

Yes, Max. It’s tradition in Philadelphia to deck the bride. If there isn’t a receiving line after the ceremony for every to get a hit in, then it is up to guests to approach the bride sometime during the reception, preferably after dinner, but before the cutting of the groom, and wallop her good. If this sounds weird or gross to you at 15, you’ll understand when you get older.

Hi-ya’s! for charity

It almost seems like a person can make anything into a charity. There’s ball cancer, boob cancer, brush-fires, earthquake relief, homeless people and so forth. Oh, and there’s NAMBLA. Can’t forget that (man oh man, are we going to have some horrible search hits now). While AIDS was in style in the early nineties, cancer of all type seems to be the illness prevention of choice at the moment, but you can never go wrong in doing something nice for the kids.

Having fifty fights in one night is doing something nice for the kids, right? We’re not really sure. Brian Digore, a karate school owner, will be turning 50 next Friday. He’s celebrating this by fighting fifty people, one at a time at 90 seconds each, in mixed forms of combat.

Oh, and this will end up benefiting Big Brothers Big Sisters. Hope Old Man Digore doesn’t need to dip into the coffers to benefit his sore knuckles.

I’ve seen worse beavers

Beavers aren’t exactly one of the better kinds of animal in the world. They’re bucktoothed (which means they’re obviously dumb), they’re slow and they dam up rivers for no dam reason … I mean, damn reason! We have no need for them at all. Worse yet, now they’re attacking people!

A beaver in Philadelphia’s Pennypack Park (and I don’t care) has been reported as not only attacking innocent people, but being rabid. Rabid! That means the poor citizens will have to spend time in the hospital because they’ve had a bad case of being inflicted with a potentially life-threatening disease. Not only that, but they’ll also have to be given a minimum of 13 shots to help counteract the virus, and that’s after getting out of the sick ward (living in the South means I’m not too many links separated from someone who’s possibly had an encounter with rabies).

A brave park ranger managed to slay the monster, but people are being advised to avoid the park if possible because you never know. This is easily a situation that the SyFy eagerly wants to get their fingers in.

It’s a forest like jungle out there

In other animal related news, those beasts are clearly looking to terrorize us, and there seems to be no limit to where they’ll go.

Obviously a tree hugging eco-terrorist, a deer bounded through a car dealership window in North Carolina, ruining part of said dealership. The American auto companies are already under enough pressure-I don’t think Chrysler needs their vehicles wrecked in the process. Unless it’s a PT Cruiser, as those are just ugly.

Oh, and don’t think you’re getting off scott-free, raccoons. Now that it’s been reported that you’re trying to take over parts of Philadelphia, it’s on like donkey kong. We know what to look for (your robber striped eyes), where to look for (trees and trash cans) and how to look for you (with lots of violent weaponry). Get ready, as your time is near.

Take it from Snee: Be very afraid

When I read that a dead body had been found in one of the Los Angeles International Airports’ bathrooms, I said, “Thank God.”

What? That’s not good news? How do you figure?

I didn’t hear any of what you just said because this is text on your computer screen, but I will tell you why I feel better knowing that there was a corpse in the bathroom of a heavily trafficked public area: he made it.

What I mean is that, when I die, my body will release whatever waste is inside of it. I always figured that meant I was guaranteed to soil my pants, bed or coat closet. But, this guy made it to the bathroom before it could happen. I could make it too.

So, that’s one fear allayed of many. Let’s take a look at some of the others. Continue reading Take it from Snee: Be very afraid

Great, more cats playing music

If there is one place that the enemy is using for propaganda, it’s the Internet. YA RLY. Instead of focusing on the important issues like defeating the enemy, they try to keep us laughing, all the while leaving our guard down, exposed to an attack from any direction.

We know have a new threat of distraction: a cat that plays the piano. The cat’s name is Nora, she lives in Philadelphia. She plays when she wants, she doesn’t like certain people, and she enjoys Billy Joel. In other words, she’s a green helmet away from being a stereotypical Philadelphian.

She’s taking YouTube by storm and she doesn’t have the brain power to understand what that means. Whatever you do, do not watch her videos.

Play her off, keyboard cat!

The McBournie Minute: We need more guns in movie theaters

Welcome back from the Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanzaa break. I would like to tell you how much I missed you, but I’m afraid it might bring me to tears.

Speaking of things that make the entire world sad, the New England Patriots were bounced from the playoffs yesterday because the stupid New York Brett Favres couldn’t get points on the board. The Pats are the first NFL 11-5 team to miss the playoffs since 1985. Nevertheless, QB Matt Cassel did an amazing job of stepping in for the martyred Tom Brady. New England will miss him when he signs with Detroit Minnesota Tampa Bay next season.

Moving on, yet another thing that happened during the break, a guy allegedly shot another guy for talking during a movie. Oddly enough, it happened in Philadelphia.

You’re probably expecting me to go on some tirade about how Philly sucks and people shouldn’t have guns. Wrong. I say give people more guns. Continue reading The McBournie Minute: We need more guns in movie theaters

Take it from Snee: What this election really means

It is the dawn of a new day, a Wednesday, here in America, now that we have managed to elect a President for the 44th time in our history.

There were some among you who doubted it would happen — that the votes would be inconclusive because everyone voted for themselves. I am happy to say that this was not the case, and the nation will continue to have an executive branch for the next four years … despite everything that branch has done the past eight.

Of course, there are also some people who are trying to assign more meaning to this auspicious occasion than I’ve already mentioned above. They mean well, but — like most people who mean well — they are wrong. Continue reading Take it from Snee: What this election really means

You Missed It: Insert Vincent Price laugh here edition

It’s really hard to type in costume, my nails keep getting in the way. (Does that mean I’m one of the Girls Next Door or Dracula? You decide.) Welcome to a special Halloween edition of You Missed it. No, there’s nothing really Halloweeny about this week’s edition, but it falls on the second biggest commercial holiday in the U.S. Stay tuned tomorrow for special Dia de los Muertos posts on our sister site, If you were busy being convicted in your corruption trial this week, odds are you missed it.

That bleedin’ wanker oughtn’t be buggerin’ her!
British comedian Russell Brand resigned from his weekend show on BBC Radio this week after a battle or as they say in England, “row,” over one of his latest bits. Brand called actor Andrew Sachs’ home but failed to reach him. Instead, Brand left a series of messages detailing his (fictional) carnal knowledge of Sachs’ 23-year old granddaughter. The bit was deemed “gross” and “offensive.” For those of you keeping score of British humor at home: prank calls = offensive, silly walks and old men chasing after young women in fast motion to music = hilarious.

And now for something completely similar
Can’t get enough of Sen. Barack Obama? Neither can his campaign. This week Obama aired a 30-minute infomercial about his stance on things and showing people who are helping or can be helped. In it, Obama stood talking to the camera in a room that looked like the Oval Office, but with natural looking stain on the wooden window frames, instead of painted white. The title of the special: I Know You Really Want to Watch the Rest of Game 5 of the World Series, But I Need to Burn This Campaign Money. Speaking of which …

You know what’s clever? Spelling ‘F’ words with ‘Ph’
In the longest game in World Series history, Game 5 was concluded more than 48 hours after it began. The Philadelphia Phillies finished off the Tampa Bay Rays. Philadelphia’s football fans are known for their rude and overbearing behavior, luckily, Phillies fans showed restraint in their celebration, setting fires, flipping cars, firing guns into the air and accidentally injuring and/or killing themselves. WOOOOOOOOOO!