It’s a slow news week, we get that much. Here at SG, we thrive on the stories that don’t always make it to the front page, but when the major news corporations start doing that, you know it’s almost time for a holiday.
Just yesterday, still only a matter of hours ago, CNN broke a shocking story in Massachusetts: there’s a piano in the woods! Luckily the Harwich, Massachusetts police are on the case, and they always get their piano man.
As if this were not enough, the details that have come out so far from the case have been nothing short of shocking.
“Discovered by a woman who was walking a trail, the Baldwin Acrosonic piano, model number 987, is intact–and, apparently, in tune.”
Mother of god, no! Why did it have to be a Baldwin Acrosonic piano, much less model number 987, which is the deadliest model number of all Baldwin Acrosonic pianos out there? And intact? Sweet C minor, we’re all doomed! What kind of diabolic mind would set up such a music instrument?
Stay in your homes, people of Harwich! You never know what other dangerous musical instruments you might stumble across trespassing in the woods.
Dear Dr. Snee,