Screwed up royally?

British people might argue that Americans can’t understand what it’s like to support an archaic family dynasty that wields no real power anymore. To that The Guys reply, “Well, yeah. What are you, retarded?”

Of course, the British do the same thing with their useless family lineages that we do with ours during wars: send them to military school indefinitely, and — if that doesn’t work out — stick them in the National Guard until the conflict blows over.

Prince William managed to make the news for once because of reports alleging that he grounded a training jet during flight school by toggling when he should have flicked, resulting in an “overcooked” jet engine. It’s a fairly common mistake and only a big deal because his Dad is waiting for his grandmother to die before growing up.

The Little Prince still passed flight school and is currently training to be a search-and-rescue helicopter pilot. He also holds commissions in the British Navy and Army. If he joins one more branch, does he get to wear a super-duper uniform that incorporates the best parts from all services?

Update: how to fake your own death

See if you can figure out where Marcus Schrenker’s false demise went wrong.

Step 1: Take off in a small plane and head to Florida. (Good.)

Step 2: Make a distress call and parachute out of the plane, letting it drift and eventually crash into a Northern Florida swamp. (Great … )

Step 3: Wearing flight goggles, talk to a police officer, saying you were in “a canoe accident.” (What?)

Step 4: Get a ride from that officer to a local hotel. Check into it using a fake name. (OK, that’s … an improvement from Step 3.)

Step 5: Pay for the room in cash, disguise yourself in a black toboggan cap and run for the woods. (Sounds dangerous … )

Step 6: Become the subject of a manhunt because military aircraft tracked your plane before it crashed and noticed you left the door open mid-flight and the cockpit was empty. (D’oh!)

If Marcus didn’t read our How To on faking your own death, he’ll probably wish he had. What did we say in step 3? Always burn a substitute body.

We’re at a high altitude with strong headwinds

A Pennsylvania pilot was recently arrested for an unauthorized nighttime takeoff in the woods with a flight attendant. After police ordered a heat seeking helicopter to find the two, Jeffrey Bradford was found hiding behind a shed wearing only his watch and a pair of flip flops.

“They told the officer they wanted to go do it in the woods, essentially.”

Viagra in Israeli cockpits

Adding fuel to feminist theories about the phallic nature of missiles in combat, the Israeli air force plans to give combat pilots Viagra.

Israeli army doctors are considering the decision based on Viagra’s positive effects on mountain climbers at high altitudes. Viagra apparently reduces high blood pressure in lungs when they are hard-up for oxygen.

There is no word from the Israeli government as to whether they will need to redesign the control stick to avoid confusion in the heat of the moment.