The pirate life be a turbulent one

Yar! It be hard out there for a pirate!

Joining former Grokster exec Wayne Rosso, Pirate Bay’s Peter Sunde is abandoning the BitTorrent site he co-founded.

In a blog post (truly a most demonic contraption attached to a witch’s teet), Sunde stated:

“I have decided to not be the spokes person for The Pirate Bay anymore. The reasons are many but most importantly it takes too much of my time. I want to build something new and I want to focus my energy in a different direction. I have projects waiting to be finished, a book is waiting to be finalized and many more books are waiting to be read.”

Oh sure, ye be ready to have plenty o’ fun, but when the sharks be a-comin’ for ya, you decide to turn tail and escape on the only deck-boat available? You not be a pirate, but a landlubber through and through! In fact, what you should do is take a lesson from Matthew Crippen.

Crippen, a student at California State University, be facing 10 years in prison for modding multiple consoles, not to hide treasure and booty, but to play modded games. At only 27 and a student, the 10 years in prison might be the social equivalent of the hangman’s noose for that lad. Yar! Perhaps he should’ve used a bit less book smarts and bit more sea smarts and modded himself a boat to sail away to Secret Pirate Island!

Sigh. Clearly, there be far too many constabularies after simple privateers such as us.


Yar! It be quite a scurvy world out thar, and not everyone be able ta cut it out in the land of serious business, also be known as The Intarnetz.

The latest crew to become permanent landlubbers be The Pirate Bay, the Stockholm-based piracy site that formerly be a peer-to-peer server which made video games, movies and music available for “sharing” among users, but most recently, be raided by Swedish commodores and the ensuing trial against the BitTorrent site’s founder resulted in a guilty verdict. No more though! The Pirate Bay now be owned by Sweden’s Global Gaming Factory X AB for the quaint sum of 7.8 million dollars. That be a lot of wenches and grog!

In a quote from Hans Pandeya, CEO of the buyers:

“We would like to introduce models which entail that content providers and copyright owners get paid for content that is downloaded via the site.”

“In order to live on, The Pirate Bay requires a new business model, which satisfies the requirements and needs of all parties, content providers, broadband operators, end users, and the judiciary. Content creators and providers need to control their content and get paid for it.”

Seems that legal fees be a higher priority than privateering, eh bucko?

The McBournie Minute: We are not prepared for the ninja threat

Piracy is something we all live with. We do it every time we download a new song or movie on our favorite Torrent application. Of course, The Pirate Bay got smacked with a conviction in Sweden recently, so they may or may not be out of the picture.

Then there is the rise in piracy off the coast of Somalia. Desperate men and teenagers are taking to the seas to seek fortune, or a sniper’s bullet, depending on how things go. Pirates, thanks to the movies, have enjoyed a pop culture celebration, complete with eye patches and peg legs. But we’re all missing the big issue.

Ninjas are coming. It’s only a matter of time. The resurgence in piracy can only mean that there will be an equal and opposite resurgence in ninjaism. Continue reading The McBournie Minute: We are not prepared for the ninja threat

Not so Jolly Roger

No doubt ye know about the rash o’ pirate attacks in the last several months. They’ve been robbin’ an’ plunderin’ to their hearts’ content–except for when the U.S. Navy shoots them. In any case, these pirates be givin’ pirates a bad name, so says Cap’n Slappy, one o’ the founders o’ International Talk Like A Pirate Day.

He said that these pirates have little or nothin’ to do with the free-wheelin’, rebellious, swasbucklin’ pirates we all know and love. Instead they should be called terrorists or sea-thugs.

Now, technically, the Somali pirates be the real definition o’ pirates, but Cap’n Slappy has a point. Can ye imagine Jack Sparrow with an AK-47?

Ye like me cannonballs, don’t ye?

pr1Pirates are sexy. That’s just a reality. From Johnny Depp to Davy Jones, women just cannot get enough of those toothless, peg legged, diseased pirates.

We all know that pirates have been making the headlines lately, especially this week when an American captain was taken hostage, but then the U.S. of A. showed them that we didn’t fight the Barbary Wars (look it up) for nothing. Now, it seems that Somali women are flocking to ports so that they can marry a pirate. This is of course because of their goatees and rather large hats.

Then again, maybe it’s because they could be the only ones in Somalia with money. Who knows?

Domestically, we find pirates as sexy as ever, and the University of Maryland is no exception. They got in a bit of hot water recently when the students planned to screen Pirates II: Stagnetti’s Revenge, a porn movie that shows once again, pirates are so sexy, even the female ones can’t help but jump each other. (No, there was is no cameo by Long John Silver.) When the state government found out, the legislature threatened to cut the school’s funding.

And that, me hearties, is a threat no pirate can take.

In response, the students held a rally and a discussion about free speech. Then they showed a few scenes from the historically-accurate film, none of which had booty in them.

Who (other than Kevin Costner) saw this coming?

Somali pirates have seized The Sirius Star, a reportedly fully-loaded oil tanker that can carry 2 million barrels of crude and is three times larger than a U.S. Navy aircraft carrier. (This is not to be confused with The Siriusly Star, which is a rowboat full of 2 million Arby’s coupons.)

Along with the 300,000 ton vessel, they are also holding the MV Faina, an Ukranian arms ship that contains T-72 Russian tanks.

So, heavily armed pirates have a giant, full oil tanker and loads of weapons requiring said oil. Meanwhile, global warming is melting our polar caps and, if left unchecked, could flood the world.

Of all the two post-apocalyptic sci-fi-y Kevin Costner flicks, why did Waterworld have to be the prophetic one? At least The Postman promised continued mail delivery.

Raising an arrrrmy

Exactly one week ago it was Talk Like A Pirate Day, but there are people in the Africa who don’t know that. In fact, they think they are real pirates. While this blog stays away from modern day piratey stuff (something about taking and killing hostages), this be–er, is a little different.

Pirates off the coast of Somalia have taken control of a Ukrainian ship carrying T-72 tanks. This means that not only do these pirates have another ship on which to hide their plunder, now they can go ashore and lay siege to the rich towns that line the eastern coast of Africa.

This is most confusing news. We know that pirates operate at sea, but can come ashore to raid towns. However, pirates don’t ride in tanks, armor divisions do. Should they make landfall, what do we call this band of swashbucklers? An army? Mauraders? Pirates in tanks?