Silent but deadly: Fart smell grounds plane

When you’re at 30,000 feet, you can’t just open a window to air things out. The air is recycled, which means that you’re breathing in everyone’s coughs, sneezes, burps and farts for the whole flight. And when someone really lets one rip, it can ruin your day.

Over the weekend, an American Airlines flight landed in Raleigh, North Carolina, but the plane was filled with what smelled like a nasty fart. It was so bad that crew members complained of eye irritation and headaches. The airport’s investigation of the incident blames flatulence as the cause.

The airline has refused to confirm whether farts are to blame, but insists that if such a thing were true, he who smelt it, dealt it.

Pilot says both engines may not work, seeks vote on taking off

Airline pilots have rough jobs. They have to go through a ton of training, they work long hours, and they have to be on planes with other people. That’s why we shouldn’t be surprised when they honestly consider taking off in a broken plane.

Passengers on a flight from Malaga, Spain to Bristol, U.K. were surprised when their pilot asked them after boarding if they wanted to vote on whether to take off because there was only a 50/50 chance of both engines working. For those of you who aren’t great at probability, that meant that there was a very good chance the plane would only have one working engine for the flight.

Shockingly, the passengers reacted negatively, and a bit panicked at the thought of traveling on a broken plane. But the good news here is that a vote that mattered had a high turnout rate.

Deer carries out Harrison Ford-style attack on passenger jet

As many East Coast travelers know, Charlotte-Douglas International Airport is an awful, awful place. It’s the busiest airport in North Carolina, so it’s fitting that it’s such a hole. But innocent travelers found their lives in danger when a deer attacked a plane during takeoff.

According to the FAA, a jet carrying 44 passengers headed to Mississippi was struck by a deer on the runway during takeoff yesterday. The plane made it into the air, but was damaged and leaking fuel. Fortunately, it was able to make an emergency landing a few minutes later, and no humans were harmed.

This is yet another reason why you should never fly to, from or through Charlotte. There are plenty of other airports you can gamble your life on.

Coney Island suffers aerial Godwinning

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If it makes the Raelians, Hindus and Buddhists feel better, Americans lost a cool, fun symbol to assh*les, too.

On Saturday, July 12th — a day that will live in ambivalence — people with misplaced priorities launched an unprovoked shock campaign on Coney Island and Long Island, New York. Using a banner plane, they flew a banner displaying swastikas, including one over the Star of David, as part of their efforts to “rehabilitate” the symbol.

The sponsors, ProSwasika.org, is tired of everyone instantly associating the swastika with the fairly recent extermination of 11 million people. Instead, they’d rather we associate it with good luck and good will, for which the symbol was originally intended, even though you can express the same sentiment with literally any other symbol. Millions of them, guys, that never flew over a death factory.

Just like a pair of favorite jeans after Tacos and Laxativos Night, there are certain things that can never be made unclean.

Turkish bodybuilder boards Angela Merkel’s plane, has a party

If you’re a head of state, you expect your plane to be pretty secure, right? It’s not like Air Force One is just left unguarded. That thing’s watched 24 hours a day. German Chancellor Angela Merkel doesn’t have that kind of luxury.

It recently came to light that in late July, a Turkish bodybuilder high on ecstasy and marijuana, snuck on to Merkel’s plane as it sat abandoned one night at the Cologne airport. He then stripped down to his underwear, sprayed the fire extinguisher everywhere, hit random buttons in the cockpit, released that cool inflatable slide thing, and even danced on the wing.

Dude, Oktoberfest isn’t until late September.

Take it from Snee: I will be safe again

For eight years–eight years–I believed we had created a safer United States, a bomb-free and non-terrorized America.  I thought that, by taking my shoes off at airports and picketing Muslim schools, we were safe.

All of that was thrown out the window this morning thanks to CNN and Bryan Schools (but mostly Bryan Schools). Now I’m terrified, which is terrorism. (Bryan Schools is a terrorist.)

If 10 U.S. government agents could sneak bombs into U.S. government buildings past other U.S. government employees, then every step the U.S. government has taken to protect me was all a lie. I’m not safe, nor was I ever.

But, I’m going to change that, you Take it from Snee. Continue reading Take it from Snee: I will be safe again