You Missed It: Caught in a pickle edition

Sometimes at the end of the week I find it hard to concentrate. But this Friday is harder than most. You see, I was at one of those Windows 7 launch parties last night, and let me tell you, it was wild. I am so hung over I am considering never drinking and downloading an operating system ever again. Let’s just say my stomach has uploaded several times. If you were busy flying past your airport this week, odds are you missed it.

The only baseball suspension that doesn’t involve steroids
Steve Phillips works at ESPN’s “Baseball Tonight,” but baseball wasn’t the only night activity he had, and now it’s lead to his suspension. Phillips, 46, had an affair with Brooke Hundley, a 22-year old coworker. It wasn’t even his first affair, but what happened this time was he had the mistake of dating a crazy person who left angry notes on his front door and put an ad on Craigslist offering $50 to harass his wife. Getting called out at home is never fun.

Earhart is still missing
The movie Amelia opens today, amid less than stellar reviews. Critics say the lines are terrible, there is little character development, and the dude who plays Amelia Earhart doesn’t even look like her. Personally, I’d like to see Charles Lindbergh’s life get made into a movie. Not only is there a kidnapping, but there are Nazis, too!

A Sicilian builder serving a term on house arrest for dumping hazardous waste asked to be transferred back to prison to finish the rest of his sentence in prison. The reason: he wanted to get away from arguments with his wife. I–I don’t know what to say. There’s no punchline for this one. It really happened.

Birds on a plane

It’s a bird! It’s a plane! It’s and bird and a plane!

Birds have shown a penchant for attacking our commercial aircraft by hitting windshields and getting stuck in jet turbines. But now, they have found other ways of holding up your flights: by boarding the plane before you do.

A plane in South Korea was all set to take off, when the flight was grounded because there was a sparrow flying around the cabin, making all sorts of demands. The bird became so much of a nuisance that the passengers had to get off the plane and hop on another one. The sparrow was captured, but incredibly, South Korean authorities let it go.

That sort of thing would never happen in North Korea.

What are airports doing about the avian threat?

As proved recently in the crash in the Hudson, birds intentionally try to bring down planes carrying civilians because to them we are all the same. To keep the public safe, airports are using high tech stuff to keep our foes at bay.

They set up foliage that looks nice for landing on, and put netting over water so birds don’t land there. They use radar to track the enemy’s movements. They shine green light at the birds, which for some reason mimics a predator stalking them. We all know that bird predators are miners with low-light green film attached to their lamps, so it’s the logical choice.

Most importantly, they use guns. These guns are really used or loaded to kill, although they should be. They just shoot shells that make really loud noises to scare off the birds. Here’s a thought: why not load up those shotguns with actual shot, better yet, how about some bird-seeking missile launchers.

How To: Survive a flight

Planes. They are first when listen with trains and automobiles. While in theory the fastest form of transportation, a trip from Point A to Point B might take longer than in a plane than it would to, say, walk the distance instead. There will always be numerous reasons for why this happens, but all the knowledge of the airline industry in the world will not stop the problems from happening. No, one can only hope to surive. That’s why The Guys present how to survive a flight. Continue reading How To: Survive a flight