The best barriers are planet sized ones

According to recent simulations, the idea of making a life for yourself on a planet closer to the center of the galaxy has hit a natural barrier as well as a (lack-of-way-to-get-there-and-survive) technological one: Too many comets. Not enough ho’s!

No! No! Sit down Ludacris. We’re not going into a song, okay? We just don’t have the time. Now, as I was saying ….

It’s now being reported that Italian researcher Marco Masi has discovered that the stars and gas clouds at the center of the galaxy are so tightly packed that twice as many comets are shaken loose, and could hit planets at twice the impact of similar Earthbound objects. Which would mean that some kind of force shield that would protect future space colonies from collisions might just be the first thing to add to any future to-do list.

Our favorite planet-sized comet shield? Meatloaf. And Mike Holmgren. Oh, and one of the dude’s wearing an ascot that was pictured at the end of the Dec. 22, 2009 edition of PTI. That was a big dude.

Spoilers: space is full of death

Remember, in space, no one can hear an emo planet cut itself.

A planet ten times the size of Jupiter is orbiting so close to its parent star, that it orbits in less than a single Earth day. It has one million years until one of the tidal plasma bulges its gravity is excreting on its parent star catch up with it, and then … KAPLOOIE!

So, why is this news? Because, technically, the planet is our galactic neighbor.

So, why isn’t this news? Cue on the word “technically.” By that, I mean that the planet is 325 light years away from Earth.

Move on already, everyone

Okay, we get it: you’re still troubled by Pluto being declared a non-planet. You think that the IAU is a bunch of mean-faces. They think you’re dense. You’ve even possibly suggested a form of planetary based racism by the IAU. They carefully wipe off the swastikas from the stellar chart. There are even states now that willingly purport Pluto to still be a planet in utter defiance of those that would denounce it. Will this create a new civil war of sorts? Who knows.

But if the news about Pluto does not accompany conspiracy talk involving Walt Disney and cryogenics, we just don’t care anymore!

This has been a public service announcement by

Celestial event? (Frowny-face.)

Just when it seemed like Australia couldn’t get more full of themselves, the skies have to just smile down on them.

Jupiter, Venus and the Moon were aligned just after sunset so that they formed a happy face over the country/continent that gave us Yahoo Serious and Fosters beer. Witnesses also reported hearing the song of angels, but that was just the iconic Sydney Opera House’s choir rubbing it in a little.

Americans will get to see it tonight, one day later. Oh, and because of our position, the moon will be flipped around, frowning at us.

U.S. astronomers suggest just staying indoors at 20 to 30 minutes after sundown, and pretending not to know what Australia’s talking about when they call.