That’s no moo-oh, wait, no, it is

A new moon of sorts has been discovered belonging to Pluto, the dwarf planet that wants to be a full planet SO HARD. As astronomers are a picky bunch, it has yet to be given a true name (we suggest Urtaint), but scientists have currently labeled the mini-moon as P4. Logically, it’s assumed that this is because it’s Pluto’s fourth moon to be discovered; however, we wouldn’t be too surprised that it’s because the astronomers are trying to play a version of Connect Four on a galactic scale.

Thank everything that Pluto’s not a planet anymore. It’d be really dangerous for it to be a full planet with four moons.

Move on already, everyone

Okay, we get it: you’re still troubled by Pluto being declared a non-planet. You think that the IAU is a bunch of mean-faces. They think you’re dense. You’ve even possibly suggested a form of planetary based racism by the IAU. They carefully wipe off the swastikas from the stellar chart. There are even states now that willingly purport Pluto to still be a planet in utter defiance of those that would denounce it. Will this create a new civil war of sorts? Who knows.

But if the news about Pluto does not accompany conspiracy talk involving Walt Disney and cryogenics, we just don’t care anymore!

This has been a public service announcement by

It’s maybe baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack

It’s almost impossible to not like Journey’s song “Don’t Stop Believing.” It’s a heartwarming tale of inspiration full of dulcet tones and sweet melodies. Not only, it’s catchy! I mean, once you hear it, the song is in your head.

So who’s the jerk that’s been playing it to Pluto?

The former planet, now listed as a dwarf, has made some powerful allies who believe their discoveries will convince astronomers to bring Pluto back into the planetary fold. Mark Sykes of the Planetary Science Institute in Tucson, Arizona, suggests that Pluto’s demotion stems from a misconception that full-fledged planets are somehow unusual:

“We are in the midst of a conceptual revolution,” he says. “We are shaking off the last vestiges of the mythological view of planets as special objects in the sky – and the idea that there has to be a small number of them because they’re special.”

Not only that, but:

Sykes believes that missions currently en route to Pluto and the asteroid Ceres, which orbits the sun between Mars and Jupiter, will reveal these dwarf planets as active and intricate worlds. Meanwhile, astronomers may find distant objects as large as Earth which the IAU would not define as planets.

So what does this mean? Well, many astronomers are now coming toward the theory that that any planet large enough to be pulled into a sphere by its own gravity should be considered a planet. Of course, by this definition, not only would Pluto be a planet, so would Ceres, Haumea, Makemake, and Eris, all currently considered dwarfs.

Way to go, guys. Everyone knows that once you let Makemake and Eris into the neighborhood, the property values plummet like there’s no tomorrow.