Internet 1, dumb animals 0

The internet is famous for bringing people together. But some of those people include poachers and rare animal collectors, fueling a resurgence in the illegal wildlife trade. It’s the Craiglist’s of the animal skin trade!

Stop looking at us like that. It’s not like we’re directly to blame, though we would like to shake some hands.

The internet’s effect on the trade of endangered wildlife was one of the biggest issues discussed at the recent meeting of the Convention on International Trade in Endangered Species, or CITES, which gathered representatives from 175 countries to discuss conservation issues. A case in point was Kaiser’s Spotted Newt, which CITES delegates voted to ban the trade of after the World Wildlife Fund declared internet sellers had “devastated” the species’s population. This is the same WWF that felt the need to make Vince McMahon (through legal means) change the name of his wrestling organization so that people wouldn’t get the two confused.

CITES chief law enforcement officer John Sellar is skeptical the internet has really made it safer for illegal wildlife traders to sell, considering how easily purchases can be traced. EBay was once one of the main marketplaces for illegal ivory trading, but a complete ban of the practice in 2008 has sharply decreased such activity on the internet as a whole.

The Internet itself isn’t the threat, but it’s another way to market the product. Most people are not willing to pay $300 for a salamander. But through the power of the Internet, tapping into the global market, you can find buyers.

Dear people who are spending that much change on animals. Stop doing so. We don’t need you to spend that much money if we’re going to be fighting a war with them anyways.

Rogue nation: Zimbabwe

There was a time that we thought Zimbabwe was nice. That was during the 2008 Olympics when we found out they were pretty good swimmers. But like the Olympics, that time is over, and our love for the country with the funny name is extinguished.

The black rhino is almost extinct. We’re getting there, we really are. The media calls them poachers (but you know the saying, one man’s poacher is another man’s freedom fighter), and they are set on ending the black rhino threat. Yet Zimbabwe stubbornly refuses to allow our boys to finish the job. In fact, they are actually post armed guards around some of the rhinos.

Yes, you read that correctly, the rhinos have better security than arguably an Sub-Saharan politican.