At least it’s not made in NEW YORK CITY!

The salsa served at some of the restaurants in Kansas apparently packed too much of a punch, not from spicy jalapeños, but because it was laced with pesticide. Yum! We can only assume that’s a family recipe.

A married couple who worked at two different branches of Mi Ranchito restaurant, near Kansas City, was arrested after poisoning the salsa there. The husband, who confessed he was trying to get revenge for losing his job (loss of job, potential fatality, that’s a very fair and equal trade-off, I’d say), faces a maximum penalty of 10 years in prison with a fine of up to $250,00. His wife, the one who actually slipped in the poison, has already been sentenced to 87 months in jail, with a penalty of $478,000 in restitution.

While it might be small comfort for the 36 patrons, suffering anything from cramps and nausea on up to symptoms so severe they had to be taken to hospital, at least they didn’t get the fish. When in doubt, always get the chicken instead of the fish.

The McBournie Minute: What’s wrong with our fragile rockers?

In case you’re skimming through this, that’s “fragile rockers,” not “Fraggle Rockers.” I will discuss the medical issues of Gobo and the gang in a column some time in the future.

As many of you now already know, we lost Ronnie James Dio yesterday. He died of stomach cancer, surrounded by friends and of course, lots of fake blood. His death brings a sobering moment to us all, especially the metal community, who are among the most conscious of mortuary affairs of all musicians.

What his death points out is something very important: our rock singers are not as flawless and ageless as they would have us believe. No, they are mere mortals, blessed with the ability to rock us. What can we do to save them? There’s no easy answer. Continue reading The McBournie Minute: What’s wrong with our fragile rockers?

Take it from Snee: What happened to Vegas?

Until this weekend, Las Vegas was mythical. It was a magical place where movie plots really happened, booze flowed like water and the women made the coeds at FSU look like junior prom material.

After visiting, I can honestly say that all of the above is truly mythical about Vegas, but only in that it’s either bull#### or not like that anymore.

That’s not to say Vegas isn’t fun …

… It’s just a different kind of fun. More pedestrian, less — well, read on after the jump for elaboration. Continue reading Take it from Snee: What happened to Vegas?

Eat My Sports: Love hurts

A little over a year and a half ago, after years of fighting it off, I got absorbed into the world of reality television. I found out VH1 was doing their latest reality series on Poison’s Bret Michaels. Being a huge Poison fan, I found myself sucked into the vortex that became “Rock of Love” by the thought of Michaels fighting off numerous women, and the possibility that I might get to see CC DeVille relapse and do a line of blow off the forehead of one of these skanks after they passed out from the routine Tuesday morning bender.

You might be asking yourself where the hell does all of this fall in the line of sports. Well, dating is a sport, and I’m running low on fresh material, so today you get my calloused thoughts on “Rock of Love Bus” and Michaels’ newest wench Taya. Continue reading Eat My Sports: Love hurts

‘We have a big problem’

Nearly five months ago to this day, former President George Bush said those exact words in regards to a need for the $700 billion bailout package.

George Bush was a soothsayer. Nay, an oracle of wisdom.

Clearly, we never truly understood what he said. Sure, he didn’t make a lot of sense at times, what with his talks regarding fish, families and the sea, but we should have paid more attention to him. Everything he said regarding those items? He was simply portending the future.

The enemy has arrived, and it is large. And poisonous.

A monstrous freshwater stingray weighing in at 772 pounds was recently caught in Thailand. Ian Welch, a courageous angler from Britain was simply minding his own business, attempting to tag the stingrays (probably to help our war efforts, no doubt), when the gigantic fish attempted to kill the man. The horror!

Through the valiant efforts of Welch and twelve other men, the beast was caught. Unfortunately, the terror doesn’t end there. Research put the creature at being only a year and a half old. That’s right: it could get bigger.

What’s even scarier is that it’s back on the loose again! For some rhyme or reason, the monster was released back into the river. The stingray’s probably got some sort of nefarious mind-controlling powers, I’d say.

So really, what’s our one true problem? We’re gonna need some really big slices of bread.