Keep your scotch neat, nose clean

Greetings, young readers! Do you like to stay up all night? And do you like to drink? Chances are pretty good that if you’ve ever attempted both, you couldn’t make it past Waffle House.

You might be tempted to try a caffeinated alcoholic beverage. Here’s three things we learned about that today:

  1. Caffeine should never contain more booze than a shot.
  2. Booze should never contain more caffeine than middle manager.
  3. You should never contain anything named after a 4-piece Swedish mariachi punk band.

Stick to the basics and you’ll never be embarrassed by neon sugary puke.

Irony alert

WONK WONK WONK!

Somebody, start thinking of the children!

In 2009, candy-like nicotine orbs were released into the market, designed for people who need that nicotine fix but are in a no-smoking at all situation. They’re small, dissoluble and come in two delightful flavors: cinnamon and mint. There’s no way that could cause trouble.

Oh, right-children will put anything into their mouth that can fit in it. Yeeps. That appears to be causing a bit of a problem among the kiddies, as they’re popping the orbs like there’s no tomorrow when they can get their fat little hands on them, resulting in infant and child poisoning. Who would guessed?