Chase the bear, then get drunk

"Yea, so, ah ... I mightah got hammahed and chased a f*ckin' beah last night."
“Yea … so, ah … I mightah got hammahed and chased a f*ckin’ beah last night.”

Camping season is upon us, which for park rangers means shepherding drunks away from wildlife. And, brother, this season is already booming.

The North Adams Police Department in Massachusetts reportedly took a man into custody to protect him from the bear that he was chasing with a hatchet. They then issued a warning on Facebook to “NOT chase bears through the woods with a dull hatchet, drunk” [shouty-caps emphasis theirs].

You heard the constables, folks. Sharpen your hatchets, then chase bears. And then, once the asthma sets in, have a drink. You’ve earned it, warrior.

It’s the wild west town of the future

Come November, Waterbury, Vermont, may become the most lawless place of the planet. Literally.

The village’s had a lot of financial problems over the past few years, but despite major cuts throughout, the police department has had very few (especially in comparison). But, money is money, and there’s just not enough of it in the village’s budget. As such, it’ll now be brought to the people, come November’s ballot, where they’ll be able to decide via vote if the money that goes to the police department needs to be reallocated somewhere else.

It’s not easy going through tough economic patches. That said, don’t be surprised if you see the rise of criminals in the town such as William the Adolescent or Jessuelyn Jameson.