Over 20 million bees pulled a Con Air in Utah, overturning a truck that was transporting them to a maximum security almond farm in Bakersfield, California.
The bees have mostly been returned into custody, but the driver and two police officers were stung during the attempted hijacking/breakout. Some of the bees, however, remain at large and may use the U.S. highway system against us to quickly take over every Waffle House dumpster in America.
Thanks a lot, Eisenhower.
A woman charged with domestic violence and assault reportedly resisted arrest by spraying arresting police officers with breast milk. To specify: she hadn’t previously pumped it out, but whipped out an actual tittie (the right one, according to the Sheriff) and forcibly lactated on multiple deputies.
The plan backfired when the human breast milk–which is the best for growing police officers–gave the deputies stronger bones and muscles and delayed the onset of their osteoporosis, enabling them to remove her from her car.
