Take it from Snee: Communication’s gone to s#*t

20,000 B.C.

I am alarmed by the cries of my kinsman, Ook, and seek him out. I find him behind a large stone some paces away from our lean-to: a temporary lodging made of sticks, leaves and hides that we use on longer hunting trips.

There Ook is squatting above the ground, making his morning constitutional. I steel myself, expecting to apply suction to a poisonous snake wound or kill a stalking saber tooth cat.

Ook makes a strange sound: “Look.”

I cock my head sideways and scratch my armpit to signal that I do not understand.

Ook makes the same sound again, this time pointing down. “Look.” He then adds more strange utterances: “Look what I make.”

He perceives that I still don’t understand and stands up, pointing down at a semi-swirled pile of feces. “Poop,” he says as he points to it. “I make poop. You see.”

I realize that Ook has started using language and has chosen to demonstrate this by calling me during his “brown time.” Continue reading Take it from Snee: Communication’s gone to s#*t

Great, now they’re using weapons

If you read this blog at all, you know the one simple truth: animals are everywhere and they are out to get us. But you’re smart, you come here for the latest updates. We help you face the danger others choose to ignore so they can sleep at night. We’re like your own person Jack Bauer.

If you ever find yourself in Sweden, don’t go to the Furuvik Zoo–unless you’re armed. That’s where the Swedes are keeping Santino the chimpanzee. Like any other chimp, Santino is dangerous as hell and has no regard for human life. But he takes it a step eviler.

Santino plots when he’s had enough of tourists. So he piles up some rocks and waits for just the right time. When the time comes, he launches the rocks at unsuspecting tourists, sometimes hitting them. Why does he do this? You can only fling poop so far.

Dropping a deuce may cost you more than a few pennies

We here at SG find bowel movements hillarious. Even the sounds that accompany them make for the best comedy. We also believe in your right to release those movements at any given time.

We all know that everybody poops, but according to Ryanair, everybody may no longer be pooping for free. The British airliner may start charging people who use the latrine for more than the mile-high club. So now when you come out and say you lost a few pounds, you may actually mean it.