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Penises big on the ballot for Los Angeles

It’s a bigger matter than you think. Or depending on your search history, maybe not.

For our readers in Los Angeles, yesterday, you were able to take part in a decision that affects more of your financial situation than you know: putting the condom on the honker in the pron.

Measure B, the code name for the county ordinance that was voted on, was created in part due to the AIDS Healthcare Foundation and STD statistics for Los Angeles, of which porn actors there have more STD’s than Nevada (as in the entire state) prostitutes. Measure B could potentially prevent a lot of bumps being on someone’s noggin.

The ordinance doesn’t really affect The Guys, not because we live in Virginia, but because we like our porn with more heffalumps than what you usually find.

Take it from Snee: Here’s a nude picture of me

I swore a long time ago that I would never resort to this to be famous … but, writing just isn’t gonna buy me the things my wife wants. I’ve decided to bare it all on only the most reputable of Web sites. Sorry, mom and dad, but, without any further ado: Continue reading Take it from Snee: Here’s a nude picture of me

It’s good to be the Sheen

In today’s job market, one wrong tweet or photograph can get you fired faster than Charlie Sheen at an AA sponsorship.

What’s that? Charlie Sheen’s antics with ex-wives, porn stars and kids (oh my!) were in the freaking newspaper, and CBS is merely “concerned?”

It probably helps that he’s currently playing a tamer version of himself on a show that wins awards keeps making money, but damn, actors’ unions just beat teachers’ unions.

Tyler Durden strikes again!

Being a senior in high school is a rather crazy time in a person’s life. You’re inundated with so much information: there’s announcements, activities, special classes, counseling sessions to prepare for college and presentations. Oh man, the presentations. There are just so many “seniors only” presentations, all you can do is really just sit back and take in the information.

Well, maybe you shouldn’t take in all of the information shown to you, at least, not until you’re 18. Or 21 in some states.

Your tax dollars at work-over and over and over

There can be some really long hours logged on by the SEC in their attempt to bring justice against that jerk Bernie Madoff. Really, really long hours. And well, sometimes the edge needs to be taken off.

So, it should be no surprise that copious (which is putting it lightly) amounts of hours were spent by some SEC employees looking at porn-at work.

Though there is one nugget of information that needs to be known:

Another accountant — a woman — attempted to explicit websites 1,800 times in a fortnight. She was found to have 600 pornographic images on her computer hard drive

Label me with whatever nasty term you’d like, I don’t care. This. Is. Awesome.

Seriously kids, this is one utterly hilarious story that you need to be laughing at, lest your mind split into two when you think about it.

Take it from Snee: The Trial of the 21st Century

I know, not fair using the cable-knit "What are you thinking?" picture.

A number of factors made the O.J. Simpson trial the Trial of the 20^th Century. It involved celebrities, like a young, up-and-coming Kato Kaelin. The charges concerned murder most foul. Its protagonists made strong stand-ins for Los Angeles’ and America’s long-simmering racial unrest, particularly after the Rodney King incidents.

But, ultimately, it was about timing. Not only had the nation forgotten about past contenders like the Scopes Monkey Trial, Roe v. Wade and even the recent Lorena Bobbitt and Rodney King trials, but this was 1995. What trial was going to pop-up before 2000 (technically, 2001) and be more compelling than Nordberg knifing of his ex-wife and some waiter?

It is based on these criteria that I’ve evaluated this young century’s court cases, looking for the first Trial of the 21^st Century. And, finally, after nine long years of watching nothing but Court TV, I can report that that trial … is upon us: the Sandra Bullock custody battle.

How does it measure up to last century’s winner? Let’s go to the board: Continue reading Take it from Snee: The Trial of the 21st Century

XxAmercnAirlynzXx has added you!

There are certain companies that we expect to not be “with it.” In fact, if those companies tried to rebrand themselves as “hip” or “edgy,” we would be more concerned than relieved.

One of those are airlines, but they don’t know that yet. A couple are now using social media to “reach fans” and address complaints.

JetBlue uses Twitter to respond to people complaining to porn spambots about their delayed flights. Amazingly for an airline that’s only one step above riding with free-range chickens, JetBlue only has one communications employee running their “Here’s a coupon, dawg” service.

American Airlines has a fan page on Facebook. Yes, you can now add the Big AA to your friendlist, presumably so they’ll tell all their other fans to read your blog. Be sure to compliment them on their big exposé on suede leather jackets in American Way, their award-winning in-flight magazine.

Just a reminder to airlines, energy drink chemists and politicians: it’s not social networking if you’re advertising on it. Then it’s just another way to receive spam AND diminish your reputation.

Legal cock-up yields loophole for youngsters

The free market wins again! The cock-up of lawmakers is your gain, youngsters!

At least, if you live in Britain.

It’s always been considered illegal to sell adult-rated video games and movies to minors in the United Kingdom, ever since the Video Recordings Act of 1984. However, it’s been discovered today that the required paperwork was never put through properly, meaning that it’s actually been legal to sell adult entertainment to children for the past twenty-five years! In order for a law to be formally passed in the U.K., it has to be forwarded first to the European Union. Nobody ever actually did this when the law was drawn up over two decades ago, meaning it was never officially in place or legally enforceable.

What does this mean? Those who have already been convicted of an offense under the act will remain convicted, and can’t have their penalties/fines/sentences reduced. But those about to be prosecuted will be spared, at least until the government can enact “emergency legislation” to close the loophole. And in the meantime? Until said loophole is closed, it’s 100% legal for anyone, of any age, to buy anything. Movies, games, porn, doesn’t matter. Even if it’s media content that was previously banned in the U.K., until that emergency legislation is passed, it’s all good.

So, teenagers and pre-teens of the U.K., what are you waiting for? Hop to it and contribute to both the free market and your cerebral delinquency!

Take it from Snee: The ‘i’ is for ‘indecency’

Second hottest. (Yes, I'm aware that she's dead.) (Updated 26 June 2009 below!)

There was a brief dust-up in the iPhone world today. I’d mention that it affected the iPod Touch, but have only seen these mythological non-3G beasts in Apple Stores. Apple finally approved the development and sale of adult-oriented apps in the iTunes store.

The first app to get greenlit is “Hottest Girls,” which apparently shows you naked women of the “hottest” variety. I haven’t downloaded it, yet, but my definition of “hottest” is pregnant transsexual quadruple amputees sitting in dietary breakfast shakes, so we’ll see if there’s a lawsuit for false advertising in that developer’s future.

Unfortunately, I can’t test it out. Apple pulled the app after mere hours of approving it. Continue reading Take it from Snee: The ‘i’ is for ‘indecency’

Take it from Snee: Embrace the penis

So I’m ditty-boppin’ around Fark, when I came across this headline: “Jason Segel on working with Paul Rudd: ‘I slowly open my eyes, and Paul is standing there with his d___ out.'” (Here’s the actual story. Don’t pretend you’re not curious.)

I wasn’t too surprised to read bizarre peniphobic comments. After all, I did see The Watchmen this weekend.

I liked The Watchmen. Fortunately for Zack Snyder, I had to watch it twice because the first time was too distracting. A number of people in the audience could not shut up about Doctor Manhattan’s blue dork. One actually started booing because the character would not stop having a penis. These same people applauded when Silk Spectre II’s tits were on-screen.

There is a disturbing dichotomy in our society folks — a sexist one, if you ask me — and it’s high time we whipped this issue out. There is nothing wrong with the penis. Continue reading Take it from Snee: Embrace the penis