Drink your menopause away

Hi ladies. You probably haven’t gone through menopause if you’re a reader of this site, but that day will come one day. And we’re here to tell you that you won’t have to fear all the negative symptoms, because you can self medicate with beer.

Portsmouth Brewery in New Hampshire (which The Guys have been to) has created a beer designed to alleviate the symptoms associated with menopause. Brewers consulted with herbalists to create a beer that has herbal remedies for stuff like hot flashes, sleeplessness and mood swings. They call it “Libeeration,” and it checks in at 6.1%, which is good, because being able to get a good buzz going can relieve a lot of different symptoms.

We’ll believe that a beer can stop mood swings when bars no longer have people crying in their drinks.

Haters gonna hate, snorters gonna snort

2013 could have gone better for Rhode Island. Years before, it fronted a giant loan to 38 Studios for the creation of the video game Kingdoms of Amalur: Reckoning. Despite getting critical acclaim, the new IP did not light up the charts and 38 Studios closed, leaving the state of Rhode Island without nearly as much many as they were hoping. As such, they raided the pensions of retired emergency service employees, creating a new source of tension.

In a move that can only be seen as a sign of solidarity with the hardworking former employees, students in a Portsmouth middle school were caught snorting Smarties (the American version made of chalky sugar discs, not the chocolate sphere Canadian version). Why not Pixy Stix, which are already powder? Clearly it’s because by crushing up the Smarties and then snorting them, the middle schoolers show that they too can work hard.

If it helps, just think of it as civic brotherhood for their nose.

There’s a ‘You might be a redneck’ joke here somewhere

I’m not very tall.

Seriously. When I back out of places, I have do a near total turn of my body while sitting in order to make sure that I don’t hit anyone or anything. This is also compounded (or perhaps helped) by the fact that I drive a car that isn’t exactly the largest on the road. Nonetheless, I’ve never backed into anything.

A friend of mine, while embarrassed at one point in her life, once peeled out of a parking lot, but not before accidentally backing into a light pole, doing just a little bit of damage to the end of her car. Lawsuits? What are those?

Richard Griswold of Maine drove into a light pole in a Walmart parking lot after subsequently dropping a passenger off, feels he’s not to blame and has now sued said Walmart because of that. So, who’s got a line on how quickly this suit ends?

Virginia is for pedophilic gamers

Who knew that chatting up 13-year olds via Xbox Live then asking them for naked photos would be so frowned upon? What’s that you say? Anyone with a shred of common sense? What’s also that you say? We did very early on in our SG career? That’s right, we did.

One man who learned that lesson the hard way was 24 year old Portsmouth, Virginia resident Ryan Edwin Donker. Donker, whose very last name might even be considered inappropriate for those underage, admitted to police that he had asked for naked photos of an Xbox Live user from Fayetteville, Arkansas. He was arrested, extradited to Arkansas, charged with a felony and held on $20,000 bond.

The Fayetteville Police Department recorded multiple Xbox Live conversations between Donker and the boy following the first incident.

According to reports from the Northwest Arkansas Times, Donker told police that requests for naked pictures from the boy were a “joke.” Right. Whatever you say, Donker.

I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again: Virginia, sometimes you make me want to live in another state.