Here in America, they hand out divorces like free samples companies used to give out before they had budget cuts. But it’s not nearly that easy to end your marriage in Italy. In some cases, it takes an act of Satan.
An Italian court has granted a man a divorce from his wife because she is possessed by the devil. He claimed that since 2007, the woman has been displaying unusual behavior, which include an incident where she threw a church pew wind a single hand, and eyewitness account of her levitating. A priest, a monk and even her own sister attested to the woman’s strange behavior, and if people like that will testify against you, you’ve got to be a huge bitch.
Reportedly, exorcisms haven’t worked, and doctors can’t find a medical explanation for the woman’s behavior.
How would you describe a gun to, oh, let’s say … Oliver Cromwell? Oliver Cromwell it is.
You’d probably say something like, “It’s a weapon from which a shot is discharged by a controlled powder explosion, usually small and hand-held, and carrying one makes you look awesome.”
But did you mention to him that a gun must also have been manufactured after 1896?
Not only is this news to Cromwell’s musket troops in English Civil War, but also to two U.S. prosecutors who could not prove that a defendant’s gun was, in fact, a gun. The weapon in question was possibly manufactured in 1880, which makes it possibly 16 years too old to be considered a firearm according to federal code.
So, Fun Fact for RAM Members:
It’s just assault if you use an arquebus, not assault with a deadly weapon. At least not here in the U.S. Who knows what kind of weaponry they still cling to in older, backwoodsier places like Denmark?
(Postscript: The guy with the mystery gun was still convicted of felony possession of ammunition … You know, for the “gun.”)
This blog is appalled at a Florence, Italy, priest who faked exorcisms. Other priests reading this may wonder, “What’s the big deal? Everybody fakes it sometimes. It was still a nice possession.”
Well, we’re glad you wondered that. The Guys put a lot of stock in our ability to conjure demons and want to think that you’re having a good time expelling them from our bodies. We want to know that all your squirming around, screaming and praying are the real deal, not some patronizing gesture so we’ll stop vomiting on you.
At the very least, please tell us if we’re not hitting that special spot. We’ll step it up a notch: walking on ceilings, offering more of our bodies …. We’re not even opposed to shouting dirty talk at you.
However, let’s not go too far. We’re not wearing that.