Study links marijuana use, doin’ it

A new study has linked marijuana use to sexual activity–as if you needed another reason to stay away from the gateway drug.

Researchers examined data from a federal survey and found a clear connection between smoking marijuana and frequency of sexual activity. Meaning, those who get high generally have more sex. The results were the same for men and women: those who said they had used marijuana in the past year reported having sex an average of seven times in the past month, while those who hadn’t smoked up in the past year only had sex an average of six times the previous month.

So let that be a lesson to all the kids out there: don’t do drugs. Smoking pot isn’t cool, and it is statistically linked to having more sex.

Pot pizza is here. Finally, a pizza for people who smoke weed

Medical marijuana has been on the rise throughout much of the country, even in Puritanical old Massachusetts. And while there has been no shortage of gimmicks looking to cash in on the trend, one place finally has a good idea.

A Massachusetts marijuana dispensary is now selling pizza laced with weed. For just $38, you can get a cheese pizza made with pizza sauce that contains THC, which is the compound in weed that gets you high. The pot pizza is only six-inches, which means when you get the munchies, the pizza’s not going to do it for you.

Finally, we don’t have to choose between New York-style or Chicago-style pizza. All the cool kids are ordering Boston-style.

Santa Claus caught selling pot, molly

When the North Pole sends its people down here, it’s not sending its best.

Santa Claus, a rather large elf who probably has diabetes from all the cookies we give him, only works one night a year. That gives him a lot of time to do what he wants to do–like drive drunk or steal a helicopter. This time he was arrested in Florida.

According to authorities, Pere Noel was in Jacksonville, Florida selling marijuana, molly and ecstasy out of a U-Haul truck. Acting on a tip, police caught up to Saint Nicholas, who was in his trademark red suit with white furry trim (heh), probably just trying to make a quick buck on his side hustle. He tried to run when he saw the cops, but was foiled when his pants fell down and tripped him up.

Kids, Santa needs a belt this Christmas.

Easter egg hunt yields 45 pounds of pot

Sure, Easter was two days ago, but the stories keep coming. Imagine you’re holding a neighborhood Easter egg hunt when all of a sudden a man comes out screaming that his roommates are going to kill him. Sounds like the opening of a bad cop show, doesn’t it?

In Washington state, deputies were called to a disturbance at an Easter egg hunt, and ended up finding a lot more than the Easter Bunny brought. They searched the house of the man who complained about his roommates, and found a large-scale illegal marijuana operation going on. They found more than $200,000 in pot, and a whole lot of cash on hand.

All three roommates were arrested and charged, and no guns were found. So basically, the guy ratted on himself. It must’ve been a “come to Jesus” moment.

Nevada considering pot for pets, your dog wants to go to Vegas

The War on Drugs and the War on Animals have a rare meeting in this one.

The Nevada state legislature is considering allowing you to get your pets high. A state senator introduced an amendment to a larger bill, that essentially means your pet can have pot, you know, for “medicinal purposes.”

Folks, weakening our animal foes with vice is one thing, but pets are a different category. Our pets are lazy as it is. And you think your dog chews up everything in the house now? Just wait until Fido’s got the munchies. How are you even going to feed them this stuff? Have you ever tried to give a cat any medication? And you know you can’t give dogs brownies.

Talk to your pets about drugs before someone else does

A lot of people may think that Obamacare is bad, but treatment for animals may end up being far, far worse if veterinarian Doug Kramer gets his way.

He says that dogs should be allowed to have doses of marijuana, like they need to be high to chase their tails. Kramer said that he gave his dog weed when it was suffering from a terminal form of cancer, and in no time, she had a spring in her step and continued to enjoy her life, even if she did eat all of the Cheetos in the house.

What’s worse, he says cats and other animals could also see the benefits of marijuana. No thanks, Dr. Kramer. If our pets want to have drug habits, they can get a job and pay for it themselves.

Hippies strike again

For anyone that’s not aware of it by now:

  • This is the United States of America. We operate on a system based upon capitalism.
  • Our financial system uses money, or legal tender as it’s sometimes known. That is the only way to pay for things.
  • Our financial system is not the barter system.

For future reference, please stop trying to buy things with what you think is the equivalent worth. Pay the full price or don’t get the item.

Hollandazed and confused no longer

Hey, pot smokers. While we appreciate your readership over the years (assuming you arrived here by mistakenly typing “Seriously guys, can I overdose on weed?” in your Google search), it appears that the Dutch have had enough of your s@%t.

A judge has upheld a proposed government ban on selling marijuana to non-Dutch citizens in their world-famous coffee bars. The government is hoping to clean up their reputation for catering to “drug tourists,” believing that this could bring back the kind of nice, clean-cut tourists that visit for Amsterdam’s Red Light District.

On the plus side, this should reduce the decibels of stoned conversation in the Van Gogh museum.