You may not think you’re pregnant, but Amazon knows better. So don’t be surprised when you start getting gifts.
Earlier this week, people reported getting emails from Amazon letting them know that someone had bought something on their baby registry. The only problem was that they didn’t have a baby on the way, nor did they have a registry. The company claims it was a glitch, and that it doesn’t actually know anything that the women themselves don’t.
Glitch or no glitch, it might be a good idea to buy some pregnancy tests on Amazon. You never know what Alexa has been telling that site.
Had the oarfish not died before reaching her target, those eggs would have filled the Southern Californian portion of the Pacific Ocean, tying up the Port of Los Angeles and leaving Malibu and our second best Avengers team vulnerable to a land-based animal assault.
If you know anything about what prevented what could very well have been the darkest day of the War on Animals, rat them out. We’ve got a surplus of medals over here.
You might think that pregnant moms have enough on their plates to worry about, and that adding unavoidable fears won’t help them. You are wrong.
Moms now need to worry about about exposure to pesticides, which can lower their baby’s IQ and are found on every food they need to eat for a healthy pregnancy. In solidarity with our media brothers and sisters, The Guys have helpfully assembled a list of other substances that can lower your baby’s IQ:
Mike’s Hard Lemonade
Sound waves of Sarah Palin’s voice
So, there you go. Avoid those things and you might not have a stupid(er) baby.*
*SeriouslyGuys reserves the right to declare any human being that has not mastered language, potty training, locomotion, sleeping on its back and feeding itself stupid. If you disagree, feel free to update your Facebook page in protest.
In more Wacky Australian Booze News, one-third of surveyed Australian women tip a few back while pregnant. Not only are they drinking while incubating future felons, but 93% of that third said that “they knew alcohol could affect an unborn child.”
In response, Australian scientists plan to use these results for a public health campaign about the dangers of drinking with a minor onboard.
This blog cannot agree more: while we support boozing in general, we cannot deny the effects of alcohol on babies. It makes them cooler, appear more mature, more confident with the ladies and possibly super strong. Australians are already all of that. By nurturing these traits at a prenatal stage, the rest of the world will never be able to keep up.
Should the health campaign fail, The Guys see no other alternative than a preemptive strike. That’s right: free cigarettes for pregnant Aussies. The secondhand smoke should float down to their pouches.