Obama sequels/prequels will suck

Kids, we know you love Barack Obama right now. You’ve got the Obama bedsheets, the Obama action figures and playsets — including the Hillary doll your dog chewed up — and a lifetime membership in the Barack Obama Fan Club. (Your pin and stickers are in the mail.)

Yep, you think you’re always gonna love this year’s blockbuster hero. But there is a dark and sinister force looming on the horizon …

George Lucas has declared Obama to be the “hero” “for all of us that have dreams and hope.”

So, enjoy Obama while you can. In 20 years, Lucas will undoubtably make a horrible sequel or prequel with bad dialogue and annoying CGI.

The worst part is that when you’ll say these new movies aren’t as good as the original Obama, your peers will tell you that the original Obama was this bad — you just didn’t notice because you were a kid.

Prequel threatens another sci-fi franchise

You know how we know the new Star Trek movie is going to suck? They just cast a kid for Cap’n Kirk.

And you know how we really know?

“… we were going to see old Spock and a much younger version of the character in the same movie, courtesy of some time travel plot device that hasn’t been fully disclosed … [emphasis ours].”