Tag: priests

“Take. Eat. This is my bo-OW!”

We don’t like to read a lot into religion here at SG (we are, after all, Seventh Day Southern Orthodox Snake Unitarians), but that said, we think that the Sacrament of Holy Eucharist is fairly straight-forward. It’s a representative act, not something that should be taken literally.

Leave it to Australia to mess things up.

Two octogenarian priests in the land down under got into a bit of a scuffle (because OY!, that’s why) that resulted in the younger of the pair biting an ear off his elder. Now, we’re not going to jump to the conclusion that one of the priests is a zombie (at least, one initially, now it’s a pair) NO, WAIT, THAT’S TOTALLY WHAT WE’RE GOING TO DO.

You Missed It: Can’t spell ‘hurricane’ without ‘eh’ edition

You know what it’s time for, don’t you? It’s time for us to sit down quietly while I shout at you about why the president’s health care reform plan is WRONG, WRONG I TELL YOU. ADMIT IT, YOU WANT TO KILL OLD PEOPLE! Ahem. In any case, if you were busy being released from a Scottish prison this week, odds are you missed it.

Hurricanes are for hosers
The 2009 Atlantic hurricane season is finally underway! The first real hurricane, named Bill. Is churning up the East Coast as we speak. Then again, we aren’t really speaking, but trust me, the hurricane’s out there. The news media is all over this one. Finally, FINALLY they have a big storm to cover during the slowest news period of the year–and then it’s not even supposed to make landfall in the U.S. Don’t worry, news networks, I’m sure there’s another Katrina out there somewhere.

‘Somebody get a nail, a pen and paper, I’ve got some ideas to write down’
One of the largest Lutheran denominations in the country is debating whether or not it will allow gay and lesbian clergy to be in committed relationships. Currently, gays and lesbians are allowed to serve as long as they remain celebate. Ha! Finally, the Catholics are ahead of the Lutherans in something other than numbers. They have had non-celebate gay priests for decades.

All You Need Is Robert Zemeckis
If you have children, you know that they are clamoring for one thing: LSD. Luckily, Robert Zemeckis may answer your child’s prayers with a remake of the Beatles’ 1968 classic Yellow Submarine. This time, it would be done with 3D computer animation. And you guessed, Walt Disney Studios is behind this brilliant idea. You may know Zemeckis from the children’s classic Beowulf. No word yet on whether John, Paul, George and Ringo are signed on to the project yet.

Osama Bin Laden: Unfunnier than Dane Cook

Note: Today’s Osama Bin Laden coverage is brought to you by a guest SeriouslyGuy, Jay Leno’s monologue writer.

So Bin Laden released a new audio tape.  (Did you hear about this?)

In the tape, he tries out some new material about the Catholic Church and the Pope.  Yeah, that’s what we thought: too easy … just like the priests! We mean, who doesn’t have a thing for the Pope?  Certainly not his alter boys. Ba-zing!

(Oh, c’mon.  You laughed at the Spitzer-not-swallowtzer jokes.)

The sad part is that OsBiLa (that’s his nickname from entertainment reporters) didn’t go for the easy jokes.  Instead, he went after the Danish Mohammad cartoons from 2005! We mean, sure, it’s a rant, but since when did Dennis Miller wear a turban?

(We’re just kidding, folks.  Dennis is good people, like Peter the Great at a Frank Lloyd Wright exhibit.)

We’ve got a great Web site for you today!  Steely Dan is here!