McCain vows to ‘veto every single beer’

Sen. John McCain seems to be courting the Baptist vote again while turning against what people know him as. Earlier today, he told the National Small Business Summit that he would nix beer if he is elected president.

“I will use the veto as needed. I will veto every single beer–bill with earmarks,” McCain said.

Let us repeat that. John McCain is anti-alcohol.

Sure, the presumptive Republican presidential nominee played it off as a slip of the tongue, but we know what is really going on. He is getting farther and farther away from who he truly is, a hard-drinking, foul-mouthed sailor and prisoner of war that we all found so lovable in the 2000 primaries.

To be fair, McCain went on to talk about how he would only use the veto for stuff that came across his desk. One can take this to mean that he won’t let Congress buy him drinks because he’s not that kind of girl. But what happens if he doesn’t get elected? In what will he drown his sorrows?

Watch for the spin doctors trying to say he means he won’t drink on the job.

The McBournie Minute: On to the general election!

The primaries are now over, finally. Once again, I was right. As I predicted after the Iowa caucus, the two winners there would go on to be the presidential candidates. I predicted the outcome correctly, Barack Obama snagged the Democratic ticket, while Mike Huckabee won it months ago for the Republican (presumed) nomination.

The one thing I was wrong about was that the primaries would be over in a heartbeat. Hey, you can’t get them all, but where else can you turn for such dead-on election analysis? Luckily, I suggested making drinking games out of the process to help pass the time. You are probably thankful you can take a Tuesday night off from blacking out. Continue reading The McBournie Minute: On to the general election!

You Missed It: Rhymes with ‘punt’ edition

Hey, Illinois, what’s shaking? Sorry, earthquake jokes are only a few shades better than flood/hurricane jokes. If you were in an area affected by a natural disaster this week, odds are you missed it.

Pennsylvania Primaries
Sen. Hillary Clinton gained a bit of momentum as she won the Pennsylvania Democratic primary election, defeating Sen. Barack Obama by more than ten percentage points. The Clinton camp and the news media were overjoyed by the news, while Obama and the rest of the U.S. groaned at the thought of having to go through with this crap for several more months.

Cindy McCain on ‘The View’
Wife of likely Republican presidential nominee Cindy McCain appeared on ABC’s “The View” Monday to dispel rumors that her husband, Sen. John McCain, has anger issues. She said voters should not be worried about an angry man in the White House with his finger on the trigger because he only uses the C-bomb on her when he has to.

‘Blade’ behind bars
Actor Wesley Snipes was convicted of not filing his taxes and sentenced to three years in prison. When reached for comment, Snipes said he regretted hiring Willie Nelson as his accountant.

Detectives acquitted
Three NYPD detectives were acquitted Friday of shooting a man outside of a strip club a few hours before his wedding. Over 50 bullets were fired by police. Finally, law enforcement officers have received a fair trial in the shooting death of an unarmed black man.

Your campaign is what you eat?

Cult of personality–a term used when referring to a leader that trades on charisma more than substance. Often, there can be a frenzy around such a person and the media are all too happy to play around, turning it into a firestorm of personality.

Luckily, this blog is not about furthering stuff like that. We are also convinced Americans do not purely follow leaders based on their personalities, just look at our current president. Fortunately, the term does not apply to Sen. Barack Obama, either. No one’s been writing songs about crushes on the married man and certainly no one is putting his breakfast up for auction on eBay.

Wait, that may not be true. Recently, Obama’s half-eaten waffle breakfast that he ordered at a diner in Scranton, Pennsylvania was put up for auction on eBay, sparking an Internet sensation. People are now trying to capitalize on the buzz by selling waffle-related things such as Web site rights and paintings.

The Guys are very serious political analysts, so we are not going to further glorify this story by reporting it or even mentioning it on our blog.

Scurry to from Prison

There are two things the U.S. loves to do: run for office and throw people in jail. Sometimes, they are even the same thing (see: Marion Barry). Idaho happens to be one of these states united, and it also happens to enjoy holding elections every now and then.

Keith Russell Judd is a man with a dream. He’s a democrat who finally got himself on the Idaho primary ballot running for president. Though only 49, Judd believes he has what it takes to lead. His name will be right up there will Sens. Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama.

As it turns out, Judd is currently doing time in a federal prison in Texas, which means legally he can’t even vote for himself. He won’t be out of prison until 2013. So should Judd be elected president, he will not be able to serve his first term in the White House, that is unless he pardons himself.

How To: Select a running mate

It’s an election year, and that means if you’re running for a certain office in the executive branch of the federal government, it’s time to choose your running mate. Now, though it may be April, there’s a chance your political party has not yet nominated you as their candidate because you don’t have enough electoral votes. Pay no heed to that! It never hurts to plan ahead. Just like cleaning your bathroom, if you get it done now, that’s one less thing you’ll have to worry about before the big party.

History has taught us many important things in choosing a potential vice president. The Guys are constitutional experts on this subject. For example: did you know that the VP’s only real job is to babysit the U.S. Senate, while calling the White House every 24 hours to see if president is still breathing? Now, with our expertise demonstrated, we present to you, how to choose a running mate. Continue reading How To: Select a running mate

The McBournie Minute: I’m right about the primaries

I predicted a couple weeks ago after the Iowa caucus that the rest of the states would choose Mike Huckabee and Barack Obama. I was dead on.

Since then, Hillary Clinton, John McCain, Mitt Romney and the Obama crush girl have all gotten wins and pundits are baffled. There are no clear leaders in either party’s race. No matter what the pundits keep orderin, voters for some reason are choosing to make up their own minds this time around. Why they chose these primaries over any other ones in the past 225 years is anyone’s guess. Regardless, with only a small amount of the country voicing their opinions so far, there is still no clear winner.

There is a sentence I did not think I would write until the Florida primaries.

However, there is some fun that can be had amongst this chaos, and like most at-home political fun, it requires watching news network coverage. You play a drinking game. What more American an approach to national politics can there possibly be?

Every time a network predicts a front-runner, winner or dark horse candidate, you do a shot. Not a sip, you wimps, a real, full shot. By the end of the night, you will be excited about when your state’s primary election is and you will want to vote for whoever makes the campaign promise of buying the next round.