Tag: prime minister

Haiti has a police force? Who knew?

Ten American civilians–Baptists, to be exact–were arrested by the Haitian government for allegedly trying to smuggle 33 children across the border into the Dominican Republic.

The Haitian Prime Minister, Max Bellerive, said they could be charged with kidnapping since the government put all new adoptions on hold until, you know, people aren’t living in tent cities and thousands of parents aren’t presumed still missing.

Other officials have objected to the Baptists’ adoption on the grounds of, “Did you see Footloose? Why would we send our children to that kind of hell?”

Update (2 Feb 2010): Parents of the “orphans” are showing up to reclaim their children. Whoops!

What’s the policy on presidential regifting?

You ever have one of those friends you hate during gift-giving holidays? You know, the one that goes overboard finding the most elaborate, fitting gift that you could never top?

Obama does.

The President bought what many would consider an adequate gift for visiting Prime Minister Gordon Brown: a uniquely commissioned collection of 25 great American movies on DVD. Nice.

Brown brought:

  • “a pen holder fashioned from the oak timber of HMS Gannet, a Navy vessel that served on anti-slavery missions off Africa.”
  • “a framed commissioning paper for the HMS Resolute, a Royal Navy ship that came to symbolize British-American goodwill when it was rescued by the U.S. from icebergs and given to Queen Victoria,” sister ship of the HMS Gannet.
  • “a first edition of Martin Gilbert’s seven-volume biography of Winston Churchill, whose World War II partnership with President Franklin Roosevelt symbolized the U.S.-Anglo alliance.”

Jeez. That’s a creepy, yet heartwarming, mixtape-and-a-half there: “In honor of visiting the first black President of the United States, here’s a reminder about slavery … which my country opposed … eventually, but slightly before yours.” Also: “Did you know that spiders mate for life (more or less)?”

Now that President Obama has a better idea of what kind of crazy elaborate presents to expect from Brown, maybe he’ll throw in a bag of his favorite flavor of popcorn.*

*A.K.A. the classic “Movie Night In A Box,” the cheapest ploy for sex on your couch.

Putin: ‘B-b-b-but they did it!’

For a not-president-of-Russia-anymore, Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin sure has a lot to say about the invasion of Georgia. (They’re now up to ceasefire number 28: one more beats the Israeli-Palestinian monthly record!)

Putin now accuses the United States of starting this war, claiming our government encouraged Georgia to oppress South Ossetia and dispatched agents to orchestrate the entire affair.

Nice try, Putin. We wrote the book on making up other countries’ involvement in our wars (see: Iraq and 9/11). Don’t try to snow a snowman.

Bonus alternate punchline:
Oh, c’mon. We can’t be responsible for all of today’s wars! Mel Gibson has a theory you could borrow.

Attention, anarchists

Still looking for that government-free utopia where you can live without submitting to any authority? Then get your ass to Belgium.

But you’d better hurry: Belgium’s Prime Minister, Guy Verhofstadt, is trying to settle the differences between French and Dutch residents to elect a new one. Time to put your money where your pierced mouth is and stop this from happening.

There’s still no word as to whether Belgium’s Board of Tourism will change their slogan to our proposal: “Belgium: as lawless as the rest of the world, but white.”