The Chronicles of Argentina: The Voyage of the H.M.S. Dauntless

Nearly two years ago, we brought you news of a possible re-ignition of the United Kingdom and Argentina’s war over the Falkland Islands. Well, while things are getting spicier down there (the only way the Argentines know how), it looks like this war will be served cold, which is the best way to enjoy UKFC Extra Crispy Puffin the next day.

The recent assignment of a warship carrying Prince William to the islands for war games has led the Argentinean government to call Bill a conquistador. This is a grave insult because it implies his new bride gave him smallpox. And recent bans by an alliance of South American nations on an ships bearing Falklands flags led British Prime Minister David Cameron accusing Argentine President Cristina Fernandez of “colonialist” aims at retaking the island.

Between the Argentines’ Spanish conquistador heritage and the U.K.’s history of colonialism, pots and kettles everywhere are at risk of fighting the war these two nations are dancing around.

Close call for the royal family

There’s been a lot of anti-English sentiment as of late (and rightly so), but it’s times like this we remember they are our wartime allies.

Princes William and Harry were in Botswana for some reason, and again, for some reason, were holding an 8-foot African rock python which wrapped around them and attempted to pee on the royalty, which is pretty much like peeing on the Union Jack. Luckily, the two princes escaped unharmed.

What was their security detail thinking?

Screwed up royally?

British people might argue that Americans can’t understand what it’s like to support an archaic family dynasty that wields no real power anymore. To that The Guys reply, “Well, yeah. What are you, retarded?”

Of course, the British do the same thing with their useless family lineages that we do with ours during wars: send them to military school indefinitely, and — if that doesn’t work out — stick them in the National Guard until the conflict blows over.

Prince William managed to make the news for once because of reports alleging that he grounded a training jet during flight school by toggling when he should have flicked, resulting in an “overcooked” jet engine. It’s a fairly common mistake and only a big deal because his Dad is waiting for his grandmother to die before growing up.

The Little Prince still passed flight school and is currently training to be a search-and-rescue helicopter pilot. He also holds commissions in the British Navy and Army. If he joins one more branch, does he get to wear a super-duper uniform that incorporates the best parts from all services?

People get older over time (including children)

With the May releases of blockbusters trickling out, it’s obvious that it is now summer. (Hear that sound? It’s children on your lawn! Remember: shoot first, then drag them onto your porch.)

With summer here, it’s also time for the press to go on vacation while entertaining their interns with puppet shows, magic tricks and lists. The most popular list, of course, is the “Child Stars: Then and Now” rehash that gets updated every year.

Today’s lazy adventure in Internet slide shows comes to you courtesy of Florida’s Sun-Sentinel.com.

Bonus Fun Fact:
Apparently Prince William was a child star.