Judge rules First Amendment protects dooty-head

A federal magistrate has ruled that Katherine “Katie” Evans, who apparently doesn’t have clever enough friends to give her a cool nickname, can sue her principal for violation of her First Amendment rights.

The stinky-sounding Evans posted a critical Facebook page of her teacher in 2007, dubbing the educator “the worst teacher I’ve ever met.” Evans took the page down a couple of days later. We cannot confirm whether Evans is stupid or lazy, but her reliance on Facebook doesn’t help her case.

Two months later, the principal, Peter Bayer, found out about the page and suspended Evans for 3 days. He also reached our same conclusion and bumped her down from her Advanced Placement classes.

We agree, though: Evans’ speech against her teacher is Constitutionally-protected and her principal was wrong to punish her, even if she is a sniffly, desperate, drama queen with cloven feet, backbreaking halitosis and deficient iron in her blood. (That’s right, we said it: “Katie” Evans is anemic.)