Bobcat tries to finish off small-town newspaper

There is an assault on the news media. It presents an existential threat to the independent press, a keystone of our great democracy. The threat, of course, is bobcats.

In a town outside of Tulsa, Oklahoma, a male bobcat attempted to do what online media has been trying to do for a decade: kill off print journalism. Sapulpa Herald publisher Darren Sumner said he opened the door to the restroom at his office when he saw a male bobcat, which leapt at him. Sumner promptly trapped the bobcat by closing the restroom door, and probably took care of whatever business he was heading there for in the first place.

Authorities captured the wild animal and released it without questioning. It is already being considered for a position in the Trump White House.

Old man cancels newspaper subscription, makes news

40 years after The New York Times began publishing the leaked Pentagon Papers, the Gray Lady has set a new milestone in print journalism: finally getting Donald Rumsfeld to cancel his subscription.

Over the past year, the Times has tried cheering for an upcoming torture lawsuit against Rumsfeld, and then panning his autobiography, but they just couldn’t shake him off. It took a column by Paul Krugman — in which he vaguely invoked a sense of shame at how he remembers everything after 9/11 — to finally make the former proponent of DIY body armor become a Post-only man.

This is a bold move considering how most newspapers are bending over backwards to maintain subscriptions. The paper, however, believes it will recoup (and possibly make a tidy profit off of) their loss with Rumsfeld’s newsstand purchases of the paper to maintain his daily dose of outrage.

SG newspaper death pool now open

Today we lose another valued member of the newspaper society. As many of you have no doubt heard by now, the Seattle Post-Intelligencer (whose name seems a cruel joke about telling you news well after the fact) sells its final print edition today, after more than a century of service.

The P-I, as it is called, is switching to an online-only format and is the first U.S. newspaper to do so. The newspaper is not the first to go under in the recession, and countless more newspapers are teetering on the edge. It’s an inevitable drop that we have all seen coming for 20 years. And while we all are sad, it’s all our faults because we are the ones who stopped buying newspapers. Sure, they have steadily decreased in quality for years and get ink all over your hands, it’s our job as a society to buy these newspapers and support our journalists’ drinking habits.

On another sad note, it is my sad duty to announce that after today, the print version of SeriouslyGuys will no longer be available. We are switching to a Web-only format and experimenting with this whole “blog” fad that seems to be hip with the kids these days. You will be able to find us at www.SeriouslyGuys.com.

Newsweek announces staff cuts in hair salon in six months

Remember how we told you that print journalism is doomed?  (Doooomed, I tell’s ya!)

Newsweek, which you probably read in waiting rooms when the Highlights is bogarded, has paid off 111 of its writers and staffers to go hit the showers … at some other magazine or home … permanently.

We’re not saying we were right, but Newsweek isn’t firing these staffers because they’re selling too many print issues.  Of course, this blog posits that Newsweek‘s woes began when they started selling back issues to the nation’s dental offices.  (This week’s big scoop: “Can Lance Armstrong win seventh Tour de France???”)