New airport scanner spurs quaint privacy complaints

There's nothing intimidating about walking through a X-ray machine with your hands behind your head.Stick-in-the-mud organizations like the Electronic Privacy Information Center, the Privacy Coalition and the American Civil Liberties Union are concerned about new airport security scanners that image your body under your clothes to detect metal objects and liquids.

They call this a “virtual strip search,” which would replace the traditional metal detector walkthrough and follow-up groin massage.

(This thought in itself is disturbing as we look forward to our pre-flight happy ending that calms our jitters. Fortunately, there’s still booze.)

Clearly, these “civil liberties” organizations are a bunch of prudes trying to conceal our bodies. In an age of constant twitter updates, breastfeeding photos on Facebook and amateur porn stars on BangBus, who are these ludites to speak for us?

We’re gonna be stars, dammit, and that’s why we don’t wear underwear.