Kim Jong-il ‘Chuck-norrised’ Chuck Norris

Some of our political leaders have taken some heat for their fetishistic worship of the Founding Fathers, casting them as perfect men who planned the entire future of a nation that had never existed before.

While that’s goofy, it could be worse. And by that, we mean Kim Jong-il worse.

An article in The Telegraph reports a list of various myths that have been ascribed by North Korean propaganda to the littlest tyrant. Our personal favorite?

“The first time he picked up a golf club, in 1994, Kim reportedly shot a 38-under par round on North Korea’s only golf course, including 11 holes-in-one. He then decided to retire from the sport for ever.”

We heard that the orgasms he gives to supermodels are so traumatizing that they are left with no memory of the encounter and will deny ever meeting him. He’d be concerned if he weren’t so busy suing J.K. Rowling for plagiarizing his autobiography to create Harry Potter.

Fox News finally has a true online rival

It took nearly 10 years since they exploded on the New York scene, but Al-Qaida has finally gotten their particular brand of propaganda translated into the English language.

The terrorist group–accept no substitutes–launched their English language Web ‘zine, Inspire, on Tuesday. They’ve even taken a note from infidel fashion magazines with their feature article, “How to Make a Bomb in the Kitchen of Your Mom.”

(Unlike Maxim, it’s not a clever title about impregnating MILFs, but literally about making bombs with common kitchen items … though they belong to your mom and you shouldn’t know how to use them if you’re a fundiemoron.)

We’d like to welcome Al-Qaida to the Internet, and wish nothing them nothing but our thoroughly CIA-investigated best!

MasterSnee Theater: Why ‘Casablanca?’

Chugs is busy moving into his new swingin’ pad, so Rick is filling in for this week’s “MasterChugs Theater.”

What is it with movie reviewers and Casablanca? Anytime they review a movie that concerns war, love, smoking, corrupt police or film, this move gets brought up. In fact, I’d wager Chug’s left testicle that Casablanca is brought up more often than The Godfather and Citizen Kane in regards to American classics.

So, while Chugs gets cleaned up for extraction, I’m going to explore that 60-year-old question: of all the movies in all the genres in all the world, why did she pick Casablanca? Continue reading MasterSnee Theater: Why ‘Casablanca?’