More than one way to explain how to skin a cat

Bilingual people are also more attractive to both sexes.
Bilingual people are also more attractive to both sexes.

According to a new study in the Journal of Neuroscience, bilingual people retain sharper brain activity later in life. Seniors aged 60 to 68 who had spoken two or more languages since childhood were comparatively faster than their monolingual peers “at switching from one task to another and used less energy in the frontal parts of their brain when making the switch.”

What does this mean? That the 2014 class of Brazilian prostitutes is going to be hell on wheels by 2060.

You Missed It: End of 2012 edition

It's how I do my thinking.
It’s how I do my thinking.

Oh, hello there. I’m just here sitting back in my smoking jacket and enjoying a nice whiskey on the rocks (my third). You know, I’ve been thinking a lot about 2012. It really sucked, didn’t it? Stop and think about it for a minute, did anything good happen this year to anyone but Psy? Not really. However, it certainly was a wild, memorable ride. Perhaps it was the looming threat of the end of the world. It could be the heavy buzz I’ve got going, but I feel like looking back on the biggest stories of this year. Grab a drink and join me, won’t you?

January:

Swingin’ Gingrich
Marianne Gingrich made her ex-husband, Newt, look even worse by dropping the bombshell that he wanted to have an open marriage. Apparently this is worse than asking your wife for a divorce when she’s recovering from cancer treatments in the hospital. Mitt Romney didn’t see what the big deal is–you can have more than one wife, right?

Also, they battle Hitler
In a story that can only end well, scientists in New York made “supersoldier” ants. I’m not really sure why this was so important to do, but now there are ants with really large heads. Their heads are so large that they are able to block the entrances to their nest when it comes under attack. Also, they do this really cool shield-throwing trick.

Equal time rule
A year away from inauguration day, and President Barack Obama was out on the campaign trail. He was raising funds, and he’d do just about anything for your money. At The Apollo, he noted that Rev. Al Green was in the audience, and did his own version of “Let’s Stay Together,” well a few bars of it, anyway. And he’s got the chops for it, too. The American public got to hear his pipes more along the campaign trail when he sang “Red Solo Cup” in Missouri. Continue reading You Missed It: End of 2012 edition

Berlusconi proves the rapiest wit

Silvio Berlusconi, the Guys’ favorite Italian prime minister, commented to newspaper La Repubblica that he is 74 years old and “even though I may be a bit of a rascal … 33 girls in two months seems to me too much even for a 30 year old ….”

On top!” he added after a scripted dramatic pause.

Berlusconi then passed out Italian high-fives to all in attendance, which are like normal high-fives, but inside of an underage prostitute.

Your mouth is a cancer zone

Bet you won’t hear John Mayer singing that song.

Everything will kill you. Often, this consists of the stuff you don’t like. More often, though, it consists of the stuff that you do like. And the stuff that you do like? It turns out it may kill you slowly, it may kill you quickly, it all depends on what other contributing factors you want to include.

We don’t want to alarm anyone, nor do we want to jump to conclusions-but we do suspect that prostitutes may be nothing more than pustules wearing skin suits.

Soon it’ll be “Ohhhhhh Canada”

Rarely has our category ever been more accurate.

Canada, specifically Ontario, has begun the first steps in legalizing prostitution. A ruling by a judge took down three laws under the pretense that it’s to balance the rights of sex-trade workers, rather than having to deal with the concept of morality.

Now, what does this mean?

  1. Prostitutes could eventually become a unionized group, an outcome that could possibly lead to scantily and garishly clad women going on strike and many single men becoming incredibly sore (we’ll let you read into that).
  2. Don’t be surprised to see home sales, apartment rentals and hotel stays in Ontario go up.

Take it from Snee: What happened to Vegas?

Until this weekend, Las Vegas was mythical. It was a magical place where movie plots really happened, booze flowed like water and the women made the coeds at FSU look like junior prom material.

After visiting, I can honestly say that all of the above is truly mythical about Vegas, but only in that it’s either bull#### or not like that anymore.

That’s not to say Vegas isn’t fun …

… It’s just a different kind of fun. More pedestrian, less — well, read on after the jump for elaboration. Continue reading Take it from Snee: What happened to Vegas?

Inspiration by Mark Roberts

In an absolutely diabolical marketing move, a German brothel has come up with an interesting advertising plan: men who get the brothel’s name tattooed on their arm will get free entry into the establishment for the rest of their life (as well as discounts on certain services, like lap dances).

So yes, loyal readers of SG, send us your ideas for comparable services–we’re waiting.

They prefer the term ‘garden whore,’ thank you very much

Romanian businessman Cristi Birgu has attracted attention by trying to drum up sales for his garden gnome business with the strategic use of prostitutes.

No, not that type of prostitute, just plastic prostitutes.

No, not that kind of plastic. Unreal plastic!

Birgu has the miniature ladies of the evening–also manufactured by his company–placed outside his home, in the hopes that they’ll attract potential buyers. Somehow, I just can’t see much overlap between the people who buy garden gnomes and the people who solicit sex workers–but hey, what do I know? Maybe there’s some kind of statistical survey that’ll prove me otherwise.

The best education is counterfeit education

Over the years, many tools have been used to educate the masses. Books. Pamphlets. Videos. Mascots. Concerts. Now, we get to add another aspect into such an honored group. A gathering of people in the Ukraine has been passing out fake Euro bills with just the most adorable little prostitutes cleverly hidden in the design, all in the hopes of educating women so that they won’t choose to become that which is on their fake money.

No, really.

Seriously. The unnamed group (though it could be understood if one thought the group in question was the Ukranian government) is attempting to end the illegal tactic of prostitution through the use of illegal counterfeit Euros. Wrap your head around that while realizing that in Europe, apparently, two wrongs do make a right.

Silly capitalist whores

The brothel business is booming in London town, BOOMING, we say, and the competition is creating a price war where you can get unprotected sex for just £25. That’s like … $350 American or something, so that might be a pretty good deal. One warning though–your chance of getting an STD and/or a new spawn is over 9,000. So, you might want to factor that into your decision.

Adam Smith would be proud. He’d still be dead, mind you. Horribly, horribly dead, but so very, very proud of the lesson that he’s taught.