No good breakfast goes unpunished

Alas, another lawless three months of summer have gone and went. School is almost back in session, which means it’s time to remind parents to start raising their kids again.

As your teenagers will need to wake up before the crack of 2 p.m., researchers suggest feeding them a breakfast mixture of protein and fiber–otherwise known as the classic “One-Two Combo” on blenders and toilets. This should energize your future voter and keep them full until lunch.

The link contains recipes, but might we suggest The Guys’ recommend breakfast?

  • Coffee with Bailey’s (caffeine and dairy)
  • Bacon (protein)
  • A cigarette and a newspaper (fiber)

It’s proven to boost standardized test scores by making standardized tests bearable.