Nobody paid us to ask this

“Nobody — believe me — nobody knows better about swamps … let me tell you about swamps … there are many kinds of people — things — that live in them. And I’ve brought only the best, big league, into my administration.”
Let’s assume, for laughs, that there’s such a thing as “paid protesters.” That the only way for more people to protest a president than to attend his inauguration is if all those people were paid. That somebody who (a) had enough money (b) found value in giving it to a bunch of strangers to hold up signs and protest for women. Or for the environment. Or for science. Or to release tax records.

What’s the difference between such critters and a lobbyist?

Answer: The lobbyist gets a job in Donald Trump’s White House administration.

Turkey: U.S. police interfered with standard institutional violence

Freedom isn’t free … ♩ ♪
As Americans, we often fail to recognize that what we call vital to free speech are not universal measurements. For instance, we defend the expression of the otherwise indefensible, like Richard Spencer doing god knows what with his mom’s backyard Tiki torches in the name of “white separatism” and statues that nobody wants anymore. Just as long as he doesn’t physically attack anyone. (Although, it’s fair game should anyone want to hit him. That’s what happens when you become a Nazi. Ask a German.)

This is probably a surprise to our ambassador to Turkey, who was called in by their Foreign Office to hear complaints about our police force trampling the free speech rights of their security forces to beat down protesters.

On May 16, local police reported that Turkish security officers charged at and started beating the pacifism out of protesters outside of their embassy in Washington, D.C. Nobody is claiming that didn’t happen because the whole thing was caught on video.

But, the Turkish government has taken umbrage with the “aggressive” way our security and local police forces got in the way of Turkey’s beatdown —  a perfectly normal expression by the Erdogan government back home.

Apparently, that’s where their free speech ends — right behind fists thrown by dudes in Oakleys. Tomato, domates, are we right?

The McBournie Minute: 3 reasons your Standing Rock check-in is dumb

In recent weeks, a large group of protesters has halted and called attention to the construction of the Dakota Access Pipeline. The protest was started by Native Americans concerned about keeping the water clean and drinkable at the Standing Rock Reservation, which straddles North and South Dakota. It’s gotten to be such an issue that the Obama administration is seeking to review the approval of the project.

This topic hits pretty close to my day job, but you didn’t come here for an education or to hear about my politics and how they apply to this one issue. You’re here for the yuck-yucks, so we’re going to stick with that.

Checking in to Standing Rock is as dumb as posting one of those “this is my content” messages. Continue reading The McBournie Minute: 3 reasons your Standing Rock check-in is dumb

Syria: the Fonzie of the Middle East

The Syrian government detained 32 protesters, charging that they were seriously damaging Syria’s “rep.” The detainees were demonstrating against Syria’s detention of other political prisoners, which also demonstrates that they did not fully understand the original problem.

Damascas officials have not indicated when they will release these protesters, but they have hinted that they may place their mothers under house arrest for making them look uncool in front of the guys.

Bunga-Bungasconi!

It’s Friday afternoon, so we figured we’d give you little hornballs out there a dose of bunga-bunga.

Embattled Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi faces more and more pressure everyday to step down. Women protesters have called for his resignation, prosecutors want to try him for underage prostitution, and the parliament is considering bumping up their elections.

To all of this, Berlusconi replied: “[No] one can rule better than me.”

He followed that up with: “I mean, name one prime minister who has loved women more than me.”

Why can’t you just hold up signs like us?

A pretentious protest? In France? Nah!

It might be hard to believe, but yes, protesters are hitting the streets of Paris to protest their cause. Yet it’s a sentiment any American can get behind. Workers are tired of unfair working conditions, formed a labor union and are sticking it to the man.

French nude models (Really? That’s a job?) are stripping in the streets to protest a ban on tips, as well as their low pay.

OK, we are willing to believe that there are people out there not in the porn or prostitution industries whose job it is to sit around naked all day and collect tips. (Seriously, how do you go into that line of work? Is there a special school for nude models? Do you need to have an impressive resumé?) But let’s think about this here for a minute. You’re protest the low pay of your job by doing your job for free.

It can safely be assumed that in response to the protesters, dozens of artist have shown up and begun to work.