Put down those wings, pay attention

The Guys know you come to this site looking for our particular brand of comedy, but you know what’s not funny? Eating disorders.

Doctors are growing more concerned about Web sites that encourage anorexia and bulimia, and some of them are actually getting pulled off the Internet.

To make sure we stay online keep you healthy and reading, we will no longer joke about starving and/or vomiting. And, just so you know we’re being serious instead of sarcastic, we’re adding special punctuation to any statement that addresses these serious medical issues.

For instance:

You should eat at least three meals a day, with a proportional amount of each food group ; )

Puking after a big meal does not rock ; )

Food allergies are never an excuse, so eat the goddamn peanut butter ; )

So, just look for that punctuation to know that we care about you and want you to be as healthy as can be ; )

A toast: To guilt!

Northwestern University’s Kellogg School of Management researchers have learned something interesting about guilt: it makes you drink. For some reason, millions of Americans want to forget why they feel guilty, and nothing helps you forget like booze.

But did you know that undergraduates feel guilty about drinking underage and/or to excess? When shown Canadian (?) anti-drinking drinking public service ads, the teens decided they needed a drink.

American teens drinking to forget guilt-trips from our frozen, drunken neighbors to the north? Yeah, we’ll drink to that, too.

BeeGees make heart attacks more bearable

"Stayin' Alive," 1983. Directed by Sylvester Stallone. This is what Hell looks like.When Christopher Bader had a heart attack in the woods one morning, he thanked whatever god he worships that his wife was there.

Until she started singing the f&$king BeeGees.

Debra used the song “Stayin’ Alive” to time the chest compressions she adminstered to her husband. She picked up this nasty idea from an American Heart Association PSA.

Amazingly, despite the title song from the sequel to Saturday Night Fever, he pulled through long enough for paramedics to arrive and administer the defibrillator. But is it really worth living once that song gets in your head?

(Now you can tell us, suckers.)