Nothing says constructive criticism like a complaint

Were just saying, is all.Construction workers are an odd bunch. Seemingly enough, their region may possibly dictate their behavior. In the past, we’ve reported about those unscrupulous rapscallions, the construction workers of New Zealand, and their odd courtship rituals involving hooting. Approximately a gazillion miles away, we have another example: the gallant and thoughtful construction workers of Portland, Oregon.


Yes, true believer, you read right. The Guys never thought that we’d live to see the day that a group of construction workers would actively oppose the sight of exposed female flesh, but hey, I suppose there’s a first time for everything.

Oh, and in the interest of full disclosure, there’s a construction site happening right across the road from where I work. And, I take my breaks down in the cafeteria at 8:30 am and 11:30 am, right beside the 10 foot high windows. You know, just in case any nude roller-bladers might be interested in enjoying the outdoors and whatnot.

2, 4, 6, 8, wearing clothes is what we hate

What’s wrong SG-ite? Feeling let down that one public display of nudity has been ended? Well, fret not! Naked bike protesters have begun striking in Denver—and once again, the Guys had to skip the festivities due to a severe banana seat injury we sustained a while ago.

But, you know, we’d really rather not go into details about that.

The sun also rises, but the moon shall never again

Tradition is a hard thing to break. For some, it’s about touching a special object. For others, it’s performing an act in an OCD-like manner. Yet still, for some, it involves exposing their gluteus maximus to a passing vehicle. To paraphrase Ron Burgundy, “You stay classy, Laguna Niguel“.

Unfortunately, classy is all they shall stay. Police in Laguna Niguel, California, broke up the annual mooning of the Amtrak trains, a 29-year tradition that has never once caused a rail disaster. Well, not one involving a train anyway. The reason behind it? Apparently, some in the group became a bit more ambitious than others and showed parts of their body that wasn’t their butt. SHOCK AND DISMAY!

How To: Get answers

How many times has this happened to you?You wake up naked on a couch you don’t recognize … well, not entirely naked thanks to a strategically-placed sombrero. It’s daytime, though your hot, stinging brain wishes it wasn’t, but you can’t tell the time: a VCR flashes 12:00 over and over again.

Stumbling around using couch cushions as crotch- and butt-covers, you knock over the world’s largest beer can pyramid, to find the bathroom to this mystery apartment. “PENIS” scrawled across your forehead. You pray that it’s dry erase, but your futile wiping proves that, alas, it is Sharpee. Blood is dried at the corners of your lips, but it does not taste like your own.

You need answers, but how do you get them? That is the subject of this week’s How To: Get answers. Continue reading How To: Get answers