39% of people have been drunk, naked in public

You can’t consider yourself an experienced drinker unless you know someone who has gotten naked in public, according to a new survey.

Some 39% of Americans said they have disrobed in public while drunk. That’s a little over one in three people. If that sounds high to you, just know that it is completely accurate for The Guys. (We’ll let you fantasize about which one it is.) The survey asked if people had ever gotten publicly naked, not if they often do, so one time counts. And those who said they had stripped said they had been drinking beer when it happened, so your whitty T-shirt sayings about tequila are false.

Also, only 9% had been arrested while drunk (The Guys are higher), 6% had set fires (way higher) and 3% had gotten a tattoo (accurate).

How does your group of friends match up?

‘You wanna see my plank?’

There’s a whole bunch of elections coming up for Congress this fall, but who cares? Let’s focus on the elections that matter.

There was a time when Times Square was a seedy place, a place you didn’t want to take your children because of unsavory characters. A candidate for the San Francisco board of supervisors worked to bring back those good old days this week. George Davis stripped naked in Times Square, which as far as we know, is not even on the same coast as San Francisco, to make a statement on the right to be nude in public.

Talk about your single-issue candidates.

Nothing says constructive criticism like a complaint

Were just saying, is all.Construction workers are an odd bunch. Seemingly enough, their region may possibly dictate their behavior. In the past, we’ve reported about those unscrupulous rapscallions, the construction workers of New Zealand, and their odd courtship rituals involving hooting. Approximately a gazillion miles away, we have another example: the gallant and thoughtful construction workers of Portland, Oregon.

Bugwah?!

Yes, true believer, you read right. The Guys never thought that we’d live to see the day that a group of construction workers would actively oppose the sight of exposed female flesh, but hey, I suppose there’s a first time for everything.

Oh, and in the interest of full disclosure, there’s a construction site happening right across the road from where I work. And, I take my breaks down in the cafeteria at 8:30 am and 11:30 am, right beside the 10 foot high windows. You know, just in case any nude roller-bladers might be interested in enjoying the outdoors and whatnot.

2, 4, 6, 8, wearing clothes is what we hate

What’s wrong SG-ite? Feeling let down that one public display of nudity has been ended? Well, fret not! Naked bike protesters have begun striking in Denver—and once again, the Guys had to skip the festivities due to a severe banana seat injury we sustained a while ago.

But, you know, we’d really rather not go into details about that.

The sun also rises, but the moon shall never again

Tradition is a hard thing to break. For some, it’s about touching a special object. For others, it’s performing an act in an OCD-like manner. Yet still, for some, it involves exposing their gluteus maximus to a passing vehicle. To paraphrase Ron Burgundy, “You stay classy, Laguna Niguel“.

Unfortunately, classy is all they shall stay. Police in Laguna Niguel, California, broke up the annual mooning of the Amtrak trains, a 29-year tradition that has never once caused a rail disaster. Well, not one involving a train anyway. The reason behind it? Apparently, some in the group became a bit more ambitious than others and showed parts of their body that wasn’t their butt. SHOCK AND DISMAY!

How To: Get answers

How many times has this happened to you?You wake up naked on a couch you don’t recognize … well, not entirely naked thanks to a strategically-placed sombrero. It’s daytime, though your hot, stinging brain wishes it wasn’t, but you can’t tell the time: a VCR flashes 12:00 over and over again.

Stumbling around using couch cushions as crotch- and butt-covers, you knock over the world’s largest beer can pyramid, to find the bathroom to this mystery apartment. “PENIS” scrawled across your forehead. You pray that it’s dry erase, but your futile wiping proves that, alas, it is Sharpee. Blood is dried at the corners of your lips, but it does not taste like your own.

You need answers, but how do you get them? That is the subject of this week’s How To: Get answers. Continue reading How To: Get answers