Tagged: punch

| Filed under You Missed It

You Missed It: No alternative edition

I may post this every week.

Richard Spencer, the alt-right leader who probably only watches the first half of American History X, got punched in the face at an anti-fascist protest last week. This set off a debate over whether it is OK to hit a Nazi. But that’s not really the important question. To me, it’s like videos were guys get hit in the nuts. I believe that guys have a right not to get hit in the nuts, but that doesn’t mean I don’t laugh or watch it on repeat when it happens. If you were busy winning the AFC championship this week, odds are you missed it.

Going off the path
The Trump administration banned huge swaths of the federal government from sharing scientific data this week. This lead to the Badlands National Park’s Twitter account to go rogue, tweeting out scientific facts that support that climate change is real and humans are the leading cause of it. We should have known that the rebellion would start with those rugged, high-socked trail guides who know how to live off the land.

Say, what’s science up to?
It was announced this week that scientists successfully grew pig embryos that contained human stem cells. You fools, now we’re just a step away from creating ManBearPig!

The horror, the horror
Francis Ford Coppola announced this week that he was launching a Kickstarter campaign to create a video game based on his classic Apocalypse Now. For this one, I’m going to go lightning round. Ready? I wanted a video game, and for my sins the gave me one. In one level you are forced to choose between surfing and fighting. You understand, the game does not exist, it will never exist. In the virtual reality versions of the game, you will be able to smell napalm, morning, noon or night.

| Filed under It Must Be Science!, Zombies

Your great-great-great-great-great-great-great grandfather didn’t evolve for you *not* to punch something

... and you'll never stop punching things.
… and you’ll never stop punching things.

Every century, fewer and fewer humans commit violence. That we are less violent than ever seems contrary to news reports, but that’s only because the media got to be more selective over which murders made press than now. Now, nearly any murder or assault is ink-worthy … unless it happens in one of those neighborhoods, of course. (You know which ones. The ones your favorite sports teams moved out of while keeping the city in their name.)

Overall, that’s a good thing, unless you’re one of millions of disappointed ancestors who broke a lot of fingers evolving the perfect fist for you not to use, you ingrates.

Researchers literally armed with the arms of corpses tested out various had positions for striking things and learned that we specifically evolved to safely inflict the most harm on each other (and fix old televisions) with a closed fist. The bones and muscles necessary to make this shape as well as be dexterous enough to gather roots and brush our teeth became a consciously desirable trait for generations of breeding, all of which led to you.

See? Boxers are too evolved!
See? Boxers are too evolved!

So, what/who have you punched lately? Don’t make your great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great grandfather Ug skip inventing the wheel and fire to build a time machine and slap you upside the head.

| Filed under Big Man of the Day

Big Man of the Day Award

This has perhaps been a long time in the making, but it’s now time to unveil a new category: the Big Man of the Day.

It takes a big man to admit when someone has done wrong, and an even bigger one to assert this through force. That is why our first official recipient is Russel E. Miller, who police say hit a teenage boy for not turning off his iPhone on a plane.

For your gross overreaction and uncalled for violence toward a minor in defense of a minor airplane rule, we congratulate you, Self-Anointed Air Marshall Miller!

Also, some honorary mentions for the KBOI2.com commentors who only wish Miller had done more!