Doubloons be sparrrse across th’ Seven Seas

Due to the overindulgence of a few landlubber thieves on Wall Street, times be tough for Buccaneer-Americans of all shapes and sizes. But we be not the only ones keeping an extra eye on the treasure chest these days: the Brits and the Russians are lacking in the booty department.

In fancy-pantaloons England, parents no longer give their younger crewmates their fair share of the loot! Average pocket money for the little hearties fell from 6.24 pounds a week in 2009 to 5.89. 5.89!? How much grog can you get for a lousy 5.89? Certainly not enough for fresh, pink lights and livers.

And in Russia, where pirates drink vodka with their limes, the local constabulary’s shanghaied a debting lass’s Shar Peis! What’s next? Marooning malamutes? Lashing labradors? Keelhauling koolies? Wenching Welsh corgis?

Take it from Snee: Time to feel good

Health care reform was signed into law this week. Half the country is not happy. They feel like everything they know about health care and the insurance industry (which is, by design of both systems, not much) has been turned on its head and that this is the beginning of the end of America.

I could write a counter-argument about why they’re exaggerating this situation, trying to vilify the half of America that thinks it’s a good idea.

I could ignore them and celebrate a minuscule victory that, in the long scheme, will matter very little to the day-to-day lives of most people.

But both of those options would just be an insult to their pain. The way I figure, the debate’s over, so it’s time to get back together. To reunite over the things that we all love and hate. Here is the list that could very well usher in a new era of harmony … until the next bill is proposed.

(Please send all Nobel Peace Prizes to my work address. I’ve got some coworkers in dire need of a good flauntin’.) Continue reading Take it from Snee: Time to feel good