We know the Boys Scouts of America are aggressively anti-dick, having stripped at least one open homosexual of his Eagle Scout award and their ongoing policy to remove any gay scouts or leaders from their ranks. But, it’s OK because they’re anti-beaver, too.
A 51-year-old scout leader, Normand Brousseau, was minding his own business, swimming in the Delaware River when a frothy, foaming at the mouth beaver swam betwixt his legs and launched a surprise attack, possibly thinking he was packing wood. Brousseau grabbed the rabid beaver and threw it, but beaver was too quick and caught back up, attacking him until he could securely grab it, hold its mouth shut and throw it again, this time ashore.
And, at that point, it was on the Boy Scout’s turf. Members of his troop punished that mouthy beaver old school, Leviticus-style: they stoned it to death.
If science movies like Outbreak and Nosferatu have taught us anything, it’s that it only takes a single Patient Zero to ruin life as we know it.
A Mexican migrant worker has become the first person to die in the U.S. from the bite of a spooky vampire bat. He was bitten on the heel in Mexico–which also makes this the first non-Internet foot-fetishist vampire story–and died shortly after arriving in Louisiana to work on a sugar cane plantation.
Authorities have been careful to not disclose the current location of his body as local teenage girls have begun staking out graveyards to swoon at him. This is even more problematic as he died from rabies, leaving it up in the air whether he belongs on Team Edward or Jacob.
Beavers aren’t exactly one of the better kinds of animal in the world. They’re bucktoothed (which means they’re obviously dumb), they’re slow and they dam up rivers for no dam reason … I mean, damn reason! We have no need for them at all. Worse yet, now they’re attacking people!
A beaver in Philadelphia’s Pennypack Park (and I don’t care) has been reported as not only attacking innocent people, but being rabid. Rabid! That means the poor citizens will have to spend time in the hospital because they’ve had a bad case of being inflicted with a potentially life-threatening disease. Not only that, but they’ll also have to be given a minimum of 13 shots to help counteract the virus, and that’s after getting out of the sick ward (living in the South means I’m not too many links separated from someone who’s possibly had an encounter with rabies).
A brave park ranger managed to slay the monster, but people are being advised to avoid the park if possible because you never know. This is easily a situation that the SyFy eagerly wants to get their fingers in.
Little old ladies are often targets for mugging and aggressive home lenders, so it’s natural for an animal to assume along the same lines. As Avis Blakeslee, 77, of Pennsylvania proved, little old ladies can also be tough old broads.
Blakeslee was attacked by a rabid fox near her home and sustained seven wounds on her leg and one on her arm, but those only made her mad. The grandmother grabbed the fox threw it to the ground (we can only assume in piledriver fashion) and pinned it to the ground while flagging a nearby motorist for help.
The motorist got the attention of Blakeslee’s son, who gave the fox its swift justice. Blakeslee spent four days recovering in the hospital before being sent home, presumably by ticker tape parade.
“I had never seen a fox,” she said. “I’ve seen a dead one once.”
Make that two dead foxes, granny. Which makes a fox’s survival rate in your presense a big ol’ goose egg.