Tag: raccoons

Raccoons still the hobos of the animal kingdom

Beggars. Rabid. Thieves. Constantly hungry. Perpetually drunk. Descriptions like those are most often the characteristics of hobos … or their animal kingdom equivalents, the raccoon. Especially the ones of Houston, Texas.

Score upon score of the bandit creatures have invaded a neighborhood in Houston, taking residence behind convenience stores. Like the gypsy, they’ve taken up doing tricks for treats. As many as five dozen can be found behind the Stop and Save, begging for food.

Do not enable them. They’re animals that are well-known for being monstrously evil and contagion carriers. Not only that, but they’re our enemies. We should be starving them out, not feeding their forces.

It’s a forest like jungle out there

In other animal related news, those beasts are clearly looking to terrorize us, and there seems to be no limit to where they’ll go.

Obviously a tree hugging eco-terrorist, a deer bounded through a car dealership window in North Carolina, ruining part of said dealership. The American auto companies are already under enough pressure-I don’t think Chrysler needs their vehicles wrecked in the process. Unless it’s a PT Cruiser, as those are just ugly.

Oh, and don’t think you’re getting off scott-free, raccoons. Now that it’s been reported that you’re trying to take over parts of Philadelphia, it’s on like donkey kong. We know what to look for (your robber striped eyes), where to look for (trees and trash cans) and how to look for you (with lots of violent weaponry). Get ready, as your time is near.