Breitbart, the self-proclaimed mouthpiece of the conservative white nationalist rebranding movement known as the “alt-right,” has had a lot to celebrate lately. They got their horse to win the horse race, and then their horse picked their executive chairman to be a part of the horse’s transition team. But now comes the real war.
A number of companies have stopped advertising with Breitbart, most notably, Kellogg’s. Being the tough, rational news outlet that it is, Breitbart responded by calling Kellogg’s decision “un-American” and calling on its readers to boycott the company. The supposed lovers of free markets and corporate personhood don’t like that a company has chosen to take its business elsewhere.
This is 2016, a supposedly credible news source is starting a war with what is widely regarded as part of this complete breakfast.
It’s important to remember that, while Donald Trump locked up the Republican nomination after categorically suspecting Mexicans of rape and drug trafficking and Muslims of terrorism, he still hasn’t gotten the job of president. He can still blow the second half of the interview by failing to convince enough Americans that he didn’t somehow mean all of that in a racist or bigoted way.
Even more importantly: whether he wins the election or not, Trump will be OK. Even if most of the country thinks he’s a racist, he has enough money — possibly even untaxed money — to say and do racist things. He will be able to retire to any segregated (emphasis on “gated”) community once this is all said and done, safe from the half of the country he’s alternately insulting and paying lip-service to right now.
And just like that, 2015 is over. It seems like only yesterday we were talking about how miserable a year 2014 was. I, for one, think that we managed to surpass all expectations this year. It was the most miserable yet. We kept injuring ourselves falling off of bikes, stages and those Segway-like things that aren’t actually hoverboards. We agreed when Jared Fogle got arrested that rape jokes can be funny. We landed a probe on a comet, and immediately lost track of it. And we got really, really into the finer points of air pressure in a football. The sooner we get through this, the sooner we can get started with 2016. Grab a bottle and let’s do this.
Young people who don’t watch award shows upset
The nominees for the Academy Awards were announced and Twitter was all, well, atwitter with the news. Mostly, people were upset that all 20 of the nominees for acting awards were white, the third time it’s happened since 1998. Highlighting their point was the fact that “Selma” was all but shut out of the nominations. But everyone eventually moved on because a woman said a nominee’s name was “Dick Poop.”
The Summah Olympics
The U.S. Olympic Committee chose Boston as the city it would run for the 2024 Summer Olympic Games. Boston beat out Los Angeles, San Francisco and Washington, D.C. Why Boston? Because if international sports fans can take a poverty-stricken, crime-ridden city like Rio de Janeiro, they’ll love a city where packs of Irish mooks all named Sully or Murph rove unmolested. Later in the year, the people of Boston told the committee where to stick their nomination.
Scientists announced that they captured in real time a radio signal burst from unknown origins deep in space. Researchers insisted that the signal was caused by some kind of natural source, and that there was no message in the burst. But we all know that it was Casey Kasem getting on Heaven’s airwaves. Continue reading →
As the world celebrates St. Patrick’s Day, The Guys would like to take a moment to reflect on race for a moment. So, put your drinks down for a moment, you Irish bugs, because enlightenment is on its way.
Starbucks CEO Howard Schultz has a dream: that one day, people of all races, will be judged by the content of their overpriced coffee and not by the color of their skin. Or, at the very least, by the phrase scrawled on the surface of said cup.
I graduated college 10 years ago. A lot has happened in that time. Society is very different from what it was then. Smartphones didn’t really exist yet. MySpace was dominating Facebook, and no one had heard of Twitter. Our culture was in some ways monolithic, since we still relied on traditional media forms to learn about trends and such. I’ve changed, too, but I don’t think anywhere near as drastically.
I didn’t have a cell phone in high school. When the bottom fell out of the economy, I was already on my second job in my career in journalism. I’ve never agreed with being called a “Millennial,” because there’s a big difference culturally between myself and people five years younger than me. Ten years gone, I’m certain that college life looks very different than it did when I was there–it’s probably changed more in the past decade than any other 10-year span.
But one thing that hasn’t changed is Greek life. Why do we still have fraternities, anyway? Continue reading →
Shaun Winkler also readily admits his current ties to the Aryan Nations and the Church of Jesus Christ-Scientist (as opposed to the Church of Jesus Christ-Latter Day Saints and the Church of Jesus Christ-Oligarch).
Winkler believes that his ties will not influence his ability to enforce the law fairly and would not be subject to racial profiling.
“Most people don’t know that we don’t just oppose the Jews and the negroes,” he said. “We also oppose sexual predators and drugs of any kind.”
“But if they happen to also be Jews or negroes, hey, awesome, right guys? It’s like a Venn Diagram.” Winkler may have been heard saying subsequently after.
Bruce Springsteen may make you think that he’s there for the working class man. Jon Bon Jovi may have you think that the man is an outlaw with a heart of gold. Jack White would you have believe that you can play any instrument as long as you try and stay funky. John Mayer wants to you to see him as a sexual object made for the pleasure of women around the world. Joan Jett needs you to believe in the power of women and rocking out! You know what all of these people don’t have you thinking?
After listening to Bruce Springsteen and the White Stripes, the students handed most of the money to white people. ‘Rock music is generally associated with white Americans, so we believe it cues white listeners to think about their positive association with their own in-group,’ said Heather LaMarre, an assistant professor of journalism and mass communication at the University of Minnesota. That was enough for them to show more support for a student group representing mostly whites.’
The Roots and the spectre of Chuck Berry’s meter long king kong ding dong could not be available for questions.
Mmmm-mmmm. Sure, they may not be great for you, but sometimes, a big plate of chicken tenders can just hit the spot. And despite the health concerns, even kids can have them every now and then. But at four schools for children in Methuen, Massachusetts, only white people are allowed to eat them.
Okay, not really, but thanks to a typing error, that’s almost how it became. The person in charge of typing up the school menus mistakenly typed an extra ‘K’ for the item ‘KK Chicken Tenders’ (which stands for Krispy and Krunchy Chicken Tenders), resulting in approximately 6500 students being offered the ‘KKK Chicken Tenders’ for lunch. The menus were then republished after the mistake was pointed, thus making them valuable collectors items and worth a large amount of Confed-a-Bux.
For future menus, maybe they should just be called chicken tenders, no extra adjectives given. Just in case.
With President Barack Obama’s inauguration in January 2009, you might have thought that was the end of racism in America. Don’t worry, mein klein kampfs: there’s still plenty to go around.
Some of you probably already know closet racists. You know, the uncle that “doesn’t want to be racist” but “some stereotypes are just true.” Montana’s chief federal judge, Richard Cebull, found himself in just that predicament. He didn’t want to be racist, yet he forwarded an admittedly racist email depicting the President being sired by his mother and an animal because “it was a bit touching.” Judge Cebull still claims he’s not a racist, but you can’t run from what the heart feels, your honor.
But, did you know that there are still out and proud racists? Illinois Republican congressional candidate Arthur Jones wants you to know that “this idea that 6 million Jews were killed in the Holocaust is the biggest, blackest lie in history.” That’s right: not only is he a “former” member of the Nationalist Socialist White People’s Party, but he even thinks lies are black, too.
It’s good to know that, despite the promises, not everything is subject to change.