Why, hello there.
You know, I get a lot of letters and many of them question my expertise. Rather than post each and every one of them up here, let me just answer what you’re all really wondering: am I a doctor? Yes.*
A few of you went further in your letters and politely asked if I am insane. I assure you that not only am I sane, but a lot of research published this week proves that I am also right. But, in the words of Geordi LaForge, don’t take my word for it. This week’s batch of letters show again and again that, when it comes to four out of five doctors, I’m one of those four. (Except when I’m rocking a mic. Then I’m one of a kind.) Continue reading Ask Dr. Snee: Turns out I’m right about everything
Ann Coulter recently went on The O’Reilly Factor to trumpet that radiation is good for us all.
“There is a growing body of evidence that radiation in excess of what the government says are the minimum amounts we should be exposed to are actually good for you and reduce cases of cancer.”
We’re talking heavy doses, not eensy-teensy bits.
DO NOT LISTEN TO HER WORDS.
It’s important to keep in mind that she is not a scientist, a licensed medical professional or a real person. Ann Coulter is actually a secret Diplohorsus Rex, a long rumored dinosaur-human-mammal hybrid race composed of the DNA from both horses and diplodocus, the extinct dinosaur. Everyone’s heard about the Illuminati, the Freemasons, the Saurians and other conspiracy darling constructs. They’re nothing compared to the Diplohorsus Rex. These monsters have been around for eons, piloting the War on Animals from behind the scenes, but they’re not on our side. They put on skin suits a la V (but with less Robert Englund and more subtle commentary against President Obama) to walk amongst us. Of course they want us to think that we can handle the extra radiation. It’d only kill us, that’s all.
We’re in a war, people. Make your choices carefully.
So I quit smoking. No, no — please hold your applause until the end.
I’ve always been a pretty healthy guy. I work out. I don’t eat a lot of sugar, salt or arsenic. I only drink on weekends, but I always use that time productively by getting really drunk and designated driving. I don’t always use a condom when I’m treating myself to a prostitute, but I always ask if they have any on them. (If they don’t, it means they’re clean.)
So, I guess it made sense to quit smoking. I mean, why would I otherwise put in all that other effort to stay healthy?
Ah, but then I did some reading. Despite this latest endeavor, I’m still not healthy. Continue reading Take it from Snee: This just ain’t healthy