Tag: radio

Freedom chickens come home to roost

It took over eight years, but France has finally gotten back at certain Americans’ slights in the build-up to the Iraq War. The French Superior Audiovisual Council (CSA) has banned the terms “Facebook” and “Twitter” from their radio and television broadcasts, except when listed as a source of specific information when their journalists investigate stories as lazily as ours do.

One of CSA’s board members, Christine Kelly, explained their decision:

“Why give preference to Facebook, which is worth billions of dollars, when there are many other social networks that are struggling for recognition? This would be a distortion of competition. If we allow Facebook and Twitter to be cited on air, it’s opening a Pandora’s Box – other social networks will complain to us saying, ‘why not us?'”

Unfortunately, her quote has inadvertently raised the stock of Pandora Radio, where you can listen to free Internet radio, find new music and participate in the Music Genome Project. Ms. Kelly never intended for you to know that it’s a new kind of radio–stations that only play music you like. And she certainly never meant to send you to Pandora.com today!

Today’s Forecast: Cloudy, with a chance of flaming eyeball

To test their new emergency broadcast system without alerting citizens, Hungary’s disaster agency will broadcast warnings today of adverse weather in Middle Earth locations. State radio and television stations will report “floods and catastrophic weather in Gondor, Rohan, Rivendell, Helm’s Deep and other locations inhabited by Hobbits, Orcs, Elves, Ents and Dwarves.”

Unfortunately, it still backfired: New Zealand has already reported receiving aid kits from saddened Hungarians.

(Via Alexis)

Americanization: complete

If there were any doubts about our progress in the war in Afghanistan, let us assuage them right now. Combating Afghan and Taliban forces trash-talk each other before and during firefights over the radio, the Taliban often accusing the Afghans of loving Obama.

Does it sound like our own political discourse? SeriouslyGuys translated these radio transmissions during a skirmish so that you can decide for yourself:

AFGHAN: Put down your weapons.

TALIBAN: Bah, typical Obamabot, trying to take our guns!

AFGHAN: We don’t want your guns. We want you to stop fighting and join the discussion about how to run this country.

TALIBAN: Yeah? You want to run Afghanistan as a Muslim nation like the Founders intended?

AFGHAN: Well, although the Founders may have been Muslim, our original ancestors in the region were most likely Zoroastrian, and we’ve also had periods in our history where we were predominantly Hindu or Buddhist …

TALIBAN: War on Islam!

AFGHAN: –what?

TALIBAN: You want to outlaw Islam!

AFGHAN: What? No. Dude, we’re mostly Muslim, too. Besides, Islam takes up, like, 99% of the population. You’re not exactly oppressed. We’re OK with you being devout Muslims, but let’s keep it out of the government.

TALIBAN: So you’re proposing an amoral government!

AFGHAN: Really? When you people were in charge, you used religion to justify keeping women covered, uneducated and pregnant. What kind of moral government is that?

TALIBAN: You-you’re just in love with Obama!

AFGHAN: No, we don’t love him. We just think he has some good ideas, but we don’t necessarily trust that the United States has all of our best interests at heart. [Emphasis theirs. The spoken Pushtin language pronounces italics.]

TALIBAN: Keep drinking that Kool-Aid, Obamabot! Where’s your messiah now?!

AFGHAN: What’s “Kool-Aid?”

TALIBAN: HEAR MY VOICE! HEAR MY VOICE, SECRET CHRISTIAN RADIO OPERATOR!

[Gunfire erupts, interspersed with cries of “Allahu Akbar.”]

(Special thanks to slantsmcgtee.)

He has a hairdo for radio

Former Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich is back! And by back, we mean on the radio! (No word on how many Nickelback songs he plays every hour on the hour.)

Blagojevich went to the airways in Chicago, flippin’ wax and playin’ tracks and criticizing the current governor for supporting a state income tax increase. The new governor, Pat Quinn, took over after Blagojevich got caught up in the home game version of Payolla.

While the show was reportedly a mixed success according to bored people who listen to disgraced politicos on the radio, Blagojevich is reportedly anxious to find sponsors:

“It’s a ####ing valuable thing — thing. You just don’t give it away for nothing,” Blagojevich said.

“I’ve got this thing, and it’s ####ing golden. And I’m just not giving it up for ####ing nothing. I’m not going to do it, and I can always use it; I can parachute me there.”

Watching TV from beyond the grave

Some think that death is the end of troubles (not to mention, one’s life). That sentiment is true only for the lucky. Unfortunately, Germany’s Adam Reis is not one of the lucky few.

Some of our nerdier readers may know Reis as a famous mathematician. For everyone else, he was a smart guy who died in 1559. However, that doesn’t mean a deadbeat like him and get out of paying his television bills. A club set up and Reis’ home in his honor received a bill demanding Reis pay for his television and radio usage.

One of the members of the club called the company to inform them that Reis had died over 400 years ago, so there was no way he had ever watched television, has it had not yet been invented. But like cable companies in the U.S., the ones in Germany seem not to care about silly matters like that. A bill reminder was sent to Reis a few days later.

Take it from Snee: Turn it down, turn it off, burn down the station

There Is No Rock Music In Huntsville, Alabama: Part I

There are two groups of people I hate in this world: the Olson Twins — for refusing to answer my very polite, well-written request for a pair of each of their panties — and Lynyrd Skynyrd.

In my defense for the Olsen panties incident, it wasn’t perverted. The two-pack I bought from their fashion line at Wal-Mart did not survive a hiking trip. But this column is not about that.

No, this is about a band that I moderately liked once … before moving to Alabama.

Continue reading Take it from Snee: Turn it down, turn it off, burn down the station