Here’s Johnn — whoops, sorry about that, please carry on

Massachusetts isn’t exactly a place where you expect the FBI to make raids on. That might be why there’s now an issue.

In an attempt to protect the world from COBRA VENOM the Decepticons terror, the FBI made one of their signature raids, guns (possibly) a-blazing and (definitely) chainsaws a-raring. Down went the apartment door! A woman and a young woman were made prisoners of the inner arm of the United States government!

Except, it turns out that the wrong apartment door was taken down. And the woman and young woman? A mother and daughter, made hostages at gunpoint of the inner arm of the government for half an hour. That silent and stealthy approach to making a raid? Potentially ruined by using a chainsaw, especially on the wrong target. Whoopsidoodle.

Wii would like to not get caught on camera

Remember the law enforcement professionals down in Florida who killed time on a drug raid by bowling up big scores on a drug kingpin’s Wii? Well, 11 of them got sanctioned for their conduct. Of course, not that badly, mind you.

All of them, whose names aren’t being published because they were working undercover, got reassignments and retraining. Nobody lost their job, which probably is fair enough. It was embarrassing as you can believe to the Polk County Drug Task Force but, despite the pleading of the kingpin’s lawyer, their conduct did not invalidate the search.

Caught in the blast: six detectives, a deputy, and four sergeants. The detectives got “a letter of retraining” and “two hours of retraining.” The supervising sergeants got a “letter of guidance” and “four hours of retraining.”

Retraining? Like what, how to put better spin on the Wiimote?

Happy ending parlor gets bad ending

Ear hygiene is serious business in Japan. From cute designer cleaning tools to high-tech endoscopic pickers, an entire industry has sprung up around sterilizing the ear canal. Weird as it might sound to foreigners, the ear-cleaning mania also has its roots in culture. Having someone else clean your ears is taken as a sign of intimacy, showing that you’d trust another person enough to allow them to stick foreign objects into your head.

It’s not surprising then, that businesses have also sought to cater to customers whose ear-sanitation needs are rooted more in social contact than pure hygiene, with ear-cleaning salons and parlors offering customers the chance to lay their head on a pretty yukata-wearing lady’s lap while she pick their ears and makes light conversation. That said, there’s such a thing as meeting a customer’s needs too well. Saitama city cops raided and shut down several “one-shot cleaning” parlors that were offering services extending far beyond simple earwax removal. One of the managers arrested ran similar outfits in different wards of the city.

Remember kids: crime does not pay. It is a dirty, dirty service, just as sticking something into your ears to “clean them out” is. Also, Japan is still totally weird.