When I think of the Summer Olympics, I think of precipitation

Despite how insanely absurd this sounds, I swear to you, it’s not a joke.

The opening ceremony for the 2012 Summer Olympics in London will most definitely have a forecast of rain-and it’s not just expected, it’s purposely planned.

Danny Boyle, director of many incredibly somber but fantastic movies, has been put in charge of the opening ceremony. He plans to show off London in all her rain soaked glory. There is no other chance of that happening, not because it’s always raining in London (it almost always is), but because Boyle will have the clouds seeded beforehand to insure it. The thought is that by showing real rain, coupled with live farm animals, spectators there and the audience watching at home will be able to understand and see firsthand just what life is like in the British Isles.

This is a spectacularly dumb idea.

It’s raining, it’s pouring, nobody’s snoring but England will probably continue its streak of not winning a gold medal in anything that matters.


MasterChugs Theater: ‘Ninja Assassin’

I implore anyone not to smile when purchasing a ticket to see Ninja Assassin. Just saying the words “Ninja Assassin” should spark a silly grin on your face.

I’m not going to over-simplify and proclaim that making a good ninja movie is the easiest thing in the world. But I never would have guessed that doing so is as difficult as James McTeigue’s Ninja Assassin makes it appear at times. This is a big-budget movie with a top-flight crew and a star blessed with undeniable magnetism, not to mention the R-rated freedom to provide the copious blood and gore that so many genre fans crave. Not only that, it’s got massive geek credit, thanks to a script written by J. Michael Straczynski, a lead role by K-pop singer Rain and even a place for ninja movie legend Sho Kosugi. How can you mess up something like Ninja Assassin? Other than Peanut-Butter Sandwich or Free Wi-Fi, no two words in the English language have ever been more of a perfect fit for one another. Good or bad, it’s fun to watch, at least on a primal, blood-letting level.

Unfortunately, it’s still got some issues in it that could be considered bothersome by most. Click the jump to find out more.  Continue reading MasterChugs Theater: ‘Ninja Assassin’