It’s Friday, and it’s June. It is June, right? OK, good. I am still recovering from a wild weekend. I know, five days is a long time to recover, but man, it was a good time. If you were busy checking out of the hospital after being treated for exhaustion, odds are you missed it.
Now if we can just link this to Bush
Air France Flight 447 crashed into the Atlantic Ocean on its way to Paris from Rio. Everyone died. No wreckage has been found. Actually, only an oil slick has been discovered at this point. The cause of the crash may never actually be known. In other news, 9/11 conspiracy theorists have a new hobby ahead of them.
See! He really is one of them!
Addressing fellow Muslims in Cairo, Egypt this week, President Barack Obama quoted both the Koran and the Bible, while he said it was time for the U.S. and the Islamic world to mend the fences. He also said it was time for Israel to stop settling on the West Bank. This upset Israelis, because difference between the East Bank and the West Bank is like that of West and East Hampton.
Even the mustache is smiling
Randy Johnson got his 300th career win, but that’s really not anything special, because it was against the Washington Nationals, who do not technically play baseball according to modern definitions. But still, the Big Unit got to the 300 mark, making him likely the last person to reach that milestone. He also leads the league in lifetime struck birds.
Sean Hannity interviewed Rush Limbaugh on is FOX News show this week. No one asked questions, they just agreed that they are right about everything.
For those of you who don’t follow baseball from early February through October, you wouldn’t know that the season is almost one-third of the way over with. It’s been a weird one, with the Pirates and Marlins contending early, the Rays already fading out of contention, and Roger Clemens not hitting on any underage country stars, yet. But if you have been living a sheltered life and have not been paying attention to baseball, here have been the top five stories of the early season.
5. The rise, fall and rise of the Yankees
No one can figure the pattern of this team out, period. One night they’re hammering a team for 14 runs, the next night C.C. Sabathia is serving up fastballs like his butler feeds him steaks with a donut glaze. The return of A-Rod has brought back some sense of normalcy, but the inconsistent pitching could pose a problem down the stretch for the Yanks. Continue reading Eat My Sports: Early season report
Tennis is not only one of the games you can play on a Wii, it is one of the most popular racket-based sports in Western culture (right after racket puck and racket futbol). But in England, one of the sport’s most hallowed events, Wimbledon, is under attack by pigeons.
Yes, pigeons like to land on the court during matches, but the Brits have a solution that we proudly endorse: shoot the bastards. That’s right, snipers will be employed at Wimbledon to take out pigeons before they can land or make one of their treacherous carpet bombs all over your shirt. If that does not work, we recommend calling in sportsman and proud warrior Randy Johnson.
Here at home, Americans are being attacked doing things we all do regularly. For example, checking the mail can even be dangerous. A New Hampshire woman received quite a shock when she found a non-poisonous corn snake in her mailbox. Worst of all, it did not have the required postage. We all know gerbils are sneaky, lethal pets ready to snap and maul the children. In Utah, a gerbil is being blamed for an accident when it escaped from its cage as its teen owner was transporting it in her car. Two people were sent to the hospital, the gerbil has yet to be charged.